OMG! I Think I May Have Gotten In Touch With My "I'm Full" Signal Again!

I hate to jinx myself but I think I've been getting the "full" signal from my stomach lately and now all I have to do is listen to it.

It's been tempting to ignore it because it has come at unexpected times, like early on in a feeding. But I've been heeding it lately and expecting that I was wrong to do so, only to find that I did, in fact, have enough to eat (because I didn't get hungry again right away.) I always want to eat until my stomach is literally full and straining to contain my meal. That's the signal I've been using to stop eating rather than the proper "I'm full" signal which we learned about in Craving Change.

My job now is to get to know that signal and get to trust it. For me, I worry about getting hungry after the table is cleared and there's no more food around. That's been a long-standing problem for me. Having snacks around that I can eat if I do get hungry will help put me at ease. This all fits in with eating smaller meals in larger numbers rather than three big meals.

Try fishing around for your "I'm full signal" next time you eat. It might just be calling you but you're not hearing it.

I'll keep you up to date on how my signal-listening is going.

What does the "Ideal You" Look Like and How does S/he Live?

Is the "ideal you" like celebrities or supermodels?
Or is the "ideal you" who you are now?

I write this blog for the benefit of myself and for people like me: the very overweight. I know a lot of you are sick of me going on about how exercise "saved my life" and are wondering when I'm going to talk more about eating. I've got lots to say about my eating issues and I promise to open up about them as I discover and think about new revelations.

The fact is, though, I feel pretty good these days. I rarely feel like I have anything wrong with me. My only annoyance is going to stores and trying to buy clothes that fit. I'm still too big for even oversizes available at department stores.

Honesty is a central part of my blogging. I like to spill my guts and not hold back. So I have to tell you that it bugs me to hear people talk about that next pound they're trying so hard to lose.

My question to you is: Why are you trying to lose weight?

It's a legitimate question and I'll give you my honest answer at the end. Is it because you want to be more healthy? If that's the only answer, then my response is, based on what happened to me, you'd get more healthy by going for a walk every day than starving yourself and worrying about every calorie.

Let me make a list of reasons of why I suspect people want to lose weight. I compiled this list from discussions with people struggling with their weight and from reading I've done recently (about what people struggling with their weight say.)

• I want to fit in.
• I want to be attractive.
• I want to be loved.
• I feel like a failure being fat and it's embarrassing.
• People think I'm a joke.
• My doctor says it's not healthy.
• Society says being fat is wrong.

If you've been overweight all your life like I have, then you've probably had some of these things ingrained in you. It's hard to change your own attitude after so many years of believing something. It's like being told up is down and down is up. It simply can't be true that being fat is okay.

I lost most of my excess weight once (295 to 170 pounds.) I felt great but I was disappointed in the skinny me. Contrary to my life-long expectation, being skinny didn't solve all my problems. It didn't give me happiness and it didn't give me all the babes I thought I deserved because I was now a stud! Being fat, it turned out, wasn't my problem. So as you can guess, the weight started to come back on.

What does the ideal you look like? Have you envisioned him or her? Is s/he the same person as you are now or a different person? Is s/he just a skinny version of yourself who also sits on the couch all day but is somehow happier? Does the world somehow change if you're thin? Is the sky the same colour if you're thin?

Are you more loved? Are you a better person? Are you more respected? Consider these questions and think about your true feelings on the ideal you.

I'll share with you some thoughts I've had over the years on the ideal me. The ideal James is the happy man in TV commercials. He rock climbs, kayaks and he hosts social gatherings (possibly with ice-cold beer.) He has sexy barbecues. He travels. He may even skydive, because the ideal James lives every moment to the fullest. He has many friends and is the perfect father. He is loved by all. All women want to have his babies.

The latter, of course, is not a very realistic goal for anyone. Is Brad Pitt any happier because most women find him hot? Confidence in one's sexuality does not equal happiness. I think of all the horrible women over the years I might have ended up with if I looked like Brad Pitt. Fortunately, my wife (the best woman in the world) has modest standards (or gets drunk far too easily, you decide.)

Does the perfect you exercise? Is the perfect you a fitness freak? The best looking people in the world, as well as the most powerful tend to be fitness enthusiasts. They tackle life by doing things--fun, exciting things that go far beyond sitting on the couch. 

So if I may presume that the ideal you is a person who moves her or his body a great deal, why can't you do it now? Why do you have to obsess about weight when right now you could be going for a walk and building on basic fitness that can improve a little every day? Right now, you could be doing what the ideal, thin you would be doing. You could be living your life, even if that means a short walk to the light post down the street and back is all you can do. At least you're getting some fresh air and doing something huge for yourself. There might be a dozen reasons why you ate poorly today but, if you're at all able-bodied, you probably don't have any valid reasons why you didn't do something physical for yourself.

If you love yourself, set yourself free and get moving! If you don't love yourself, see a counsellor and begin working on what's really wrong with you, because it's not your waist.

If your excuse is that it's too much work, I ask you how is it that you are willing to diet? Dieting is one of most difficult and complicated things people embark upon. Losing weight and keeping it off is complicated. It's a giant pain in the ass to obsess about it night and day. Improving your fitness is simple and fool-proof. It's easy by comparison.


Unlike dieting, the less you think about it, the better.

Why not start being the ideal you today and re-examine why you want to lose weight in the first place? I'm not saying you shouldn't lose weight. I'm not saying you shouldn't eat the best you can. But one part of what you need to do is complicated and one part is easy. One thing is prone to failure, one thing is fool-proof.

Having said all that, in full disclosure, I do want to be smaller. Here are the reasons I currently want to lose body fat: I feel if I have less excess fat on me I can move around even more and therefore do even more in my recreational life. In other words, I can have even more fun. Secondly, I want to buy clothes that fit more easily. Shopping for clothes is the only time I feel abnormal nowadays.

In every other way, I'm ideal.

(My) Misconception: Exercising in Cold Weather Means Being Cold

The Antarctic: Is he cold? Not in the least! He's dressed for the weather.

The very large are full of misconceptions about themselves and the world, at least in my very humble, but always right opinion. So I thought I'd continue to write about misconceptions I had which I have since proven wrong to myself as I continue on my journey to "reclaim James."

Just because it's minus 40 outside, doesn't mean you have to be the least bit cold going out there. See my exciting recent post on the subject. I have proven to myself that you can stay toasty warm even in the coldest weather. The most important things are a warm pair of gloves/mitts and covering your face. I recommend a descent balaclava for that, one that blocks the wind (not wool.)

The other night I was out walking in -25 Celcius with woolly socks in all-leather runners (they weren't meshy so they could breathe) and my feet got too hot! If you're constantly moving to the point where you sweat, your feet don't get cold. For most of us, walking is enough to make us sweat. I switched to normal socks the next night and now I'm fine in all temperatures. No boots needed.

Avid runners, on the other hand, exercise at a higher intensity and they probably have to underdress and start off cold so they can work up to their "operating temperature."  Unless they want to be shedding layers as they run, which seems like too much of a hassle. I could be wrong, but I'm usually not. (Don't forget that I'm humble.)

I'm far colder sitting on the couch these days than dressing properly and moving my body outside in frigid temperatures. If you're worried about being cold, best get up and move.

Eating Problem: I Don't Cook

Recently, I've been talking about "a thousand trees," referring to what seems to be countless little eating problems I appear to have that may have contributed to my getting obese. I've talked about the habit of allowing myself more than I need because something tastes good, for example. I think if you've got a serious weight problem, you'll identify with some of the problems I write about and maybe think of some of your own. You may or may not, however, identify with this one: I don't know how to cook.

Not cooking leads to more unhealthy choices like consuming processed foods (often high fat, high calorie) and fast food. It also prevents me from having good quality, satisfying meals. And it likely keeps healthy foods like vegetables out of my belly.

I was so bothered by this last summer, I made efforts to find someone to teach me basic cooking skills. I've come across this problem in other obese people as well. A lot of us can't cook and there's really no one to teach us as adults. I checked into basic cooking classes and as far as I can see, they don't exist in my area.

But I'm not a man who gives up easily. I've wanted to have a decent house to live in so over the past decade I taught myself how to renovate. A couple of books and hours watching home improvement shows helped me build upon basic skills I learned in high school woodworking class. But there are two things in high school I wish I had taken: auto mechanics and home ec (so I could cook.) It'd be nice to fix my own car then cook up a tasty meal!

I've tried watching The Food Network to see if it would rub off on me like the home renovation shows did but they don't teach basics. I am, however, quite inspired by watching them. They get me all worked up to try cooking dinner.

In the fall I made progress by getting over my fear of cooking meat. Instead of buying precooked hamburgers like I usually do, I finally tried cooking raw burgers on the barbecue. I have always worried that I would not cook them thoroughly and it would be gross and I'd make my family sick. Chalk it up to a minor phobia.

Since then, we've had the most obscenely delicious burgers at home, much better than the ones I've been choking down in the drive through line for most of my life. I make them how I like them, with old cheddar, red onions, mustard and relish. Oh, and lettuce, tomato and half fat mayo. We use PC brand Blue Menu lean burgers. We tried the Safeway version and they tasted like hockey pucks (and don't think I've never tasted a hockey puck.)

Tonight I boldly attempted to make a stir fry. I got the idea from watching my wife eat at a food court last week. I began watching YouTube videos on making a chicken stir fry with rice. It all seemed so easy and, like the reno viewing I did, I cross referenced different videos. You watch a bunch of videos on one subject and they begin to fill in the blanks (doubts or questions you may have.)

Cooking is big on the Internet so there's no shortage of info out there.

I get queezie about eating my own experimental cooking but what I made tonight was palatable. We decided the "Chinese style" soya sauce was a little different than your normal run of the mill soya sauce (don't ask me why) and it was a little off in flavour. But there I was chopping yellow onions, green onions, etc. using the rocker chopping method (thank you, Food Network!).

It's a baby step but it's a big one for me.

• Here's a short playlist of videos teaching basic cooking of a handful of foods.

I Just Did Something Remarkable, Surreal, and Previously Unimaginable

It actually warmed up an hour after I got home.

I went for a walk, but this post isn't about fitness. Hell, this isn't even about obesity, really. I headed out in a -31° C. temperature with a dangerous wind chill of -45° C. Let me quote to you from this evening's government-issued weather warning: "At these extreme wind chill values frostbite on exposed skin may occur in less than 10 minutes."

Wow, what an amazing experience I just had! When you get older and you don't have a lot of money, new and amazing experiences are hard to come by. But they're what make life great. They're what slow down the ever-increasing speed of time as you age. They're what help keep you young.

Before you have me committed, let me explain. This is like petting a snake if you have a snake phobia. I have a bit of a winter phobia. It's more of a mindset that when winter comes, we have to cocoon. And therefore, winter is bad. That's a terrible attitude to have because winter is 2/3rds of our year where I live on the Canadian prairies.

Two reasons why I did this: Firstly, I bought a pair of traction aids for walking on slippery snow and ice today. They were on clearance for $8 from $25 (Bentley, Northgate Mall, Regina.) They're not the coil style, they're the cleat style. I didn't want to wait this cold snap out to see how they work. I have had lots of near-slips when I'm out walking because there's a lot of ice due to the warm winter (yeah, it's certainly not warm any more.)

Secondly, I wanted to see what the limits of my winter gear are, and find out how effective my layering method of dressing is. I hadn't planned on going past my driveway but when my traction aids made walking seem incredibly easy and secure (like walking on dry pavement), I had to see if I could go down to the end of the block. Then I had to see if I could go further. I felt like I was the first astronaut walking on Mars.

Earlier in the evening, we went out to a modest dinner to celebrate my wife's birthday. Most people in Regina  stayed home tonight. It's bloody cold, even for here. I was in pain from the cold wind just from the few seconds it took me to plug our car in and run into the house when we got home from the restaurant. Our whole family huddled under covers for an hour to warm up after the cake was consumed. So what on earth drove me to go do this? Curiosity, I guess. And a little determination.

The wind was strong coming off the open highway near our house. I didn't feel any discomfort so I kept going, afraid to stray too far from home under such adverse conditions. After a few minutes, my wrists started to get cold. I pulled down my sleeves a bit further and my gloves up on my arms a bit. Problem solved and I returned to my home but decided to keep going, right into the fierce, potentially deadly wind.

I was fine. The only part of my body exposed were my eyeballs. As I approached the open area around the highway, the bridge of my nose got cold. I pulled down my woolly toque over my eyebrows but it only partially helped. I decided to walk into the relative shelter of a street. From then on, I wasn't cold anywhere. My biceps, of all things, were a bit cool, but not uncomfortably so. There must be something weak in the lining of my coat. It could have been solved by wearing an extra long sleeve shirt or maybe a different fleece middle layer.

I was out in that for half an hour. The worst part was worrying that I may have died and it was all a post-death dream. It was just too easy. With ski goggles, who knows what I could have accomplished out there.

Here's what I wore, from head to toe:

Thick woolly toque over:
MEC Outdoor Research balaclava with mesh over the mouth area
Wind River gloves ($45, Mark's)
Short sleeve t-shirt
Fleece jacket from Walmart as a mid-layer
Cheap Walmart winter jacket as an outer layer
Three layers of sweat pants, with the wind-breaking pants on the outside
Old fashioned thick wool socks (Mark's)
An old pair of worn out runners
Traction Aids pulled over my runners

My feet weren't the slightest bit cold, I swear to you. When your core is warm while you're doing the slightest bit of exercise, your extremities are toasty. It's one thing to read this, it's another to prove it to yourself.

So...I just kicked winter in the ass, maybe even K-O'd it. Take that, winter! That's for repressing me and all those I love for all these years!

It was remarkable. It's especially remarkable for the fat person who is always making excuses not to go outside in any weather, let alone this. Who in their right mind would go for a walk in -45 windchills? Certainly not the fat guy.

The obese person has a lot of voices in her or his head saying, "You can't." My perceptions of what are possible have changed once again, while I learn that those voices aren't necessarily right.

I'm still not quite sure I'm not dead. Will I do it again? Why not? The side walks aren't very crowded in this weather!

Shovelling in Cold Weather

In the interest of science (and fun, of all things), my 8-year-old son and I decided we'd go out tonight in -30 Celsius temperatures and do some recreational shovelling. I used it as my exercise of the day.

Shovelling snow as cross-training? Why not?  I came in all sweaty so I must have accomplished something. Last year I'd fear having a heart attack while shovelling. No so now.

It was another chapter in my fight to tame my winter cold weather fears and misconceptions. I dressed warm (something that's easy to learn with trial and error--layers make it easier) and I didn't feel cold. Instead of breathing stale air inside the house, I lived a little, got a couple tiny icicles on my eyelashes and felt like a hundred bucks. I got out there with my boy and breathed in some fresh winter air and moved my body a little to prove to myself once again that I wasn't dead.

An added side-effect is that my walk and driveway are clear.

--------------

And now a video on how to dress in layers. It's good advice if you're running, shovelling your walk, or going to a football game in November. Although he's American, I can vouch that this stuff works in the coldest weather even here in Canada.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eC5toC0vms

My Twitter

Just a note about my "JamesFitUpdates" Twitter account.

You may well not understand what Twitter is, but you've certainly heard of it. A lot of people couldn't be bothered with it. If you're one of those people, you can still see my Twitter feed in the right hand column of this blog.

There in among the Nike Plus updates (apps I use while exercising that keep and publish records of my walks/runs) are news stories, articles and blog posts from others I come across on the web that are related to obesity, weight loss or fitness.

They include a title to the news story and a link to where you can read it.

Or you can find a teenager to hook you up with the Twitter.

What I Learned from my Morning Cup of Coffee

As I said in my thousand tree post from last week, there seems to be countless little problems I have with eating. My obesity is like a plane crash: there's not just one thing that led me here, there's a series of problems that made it happen. Maybe there's a thousand little problems that got me to almost 2.5 times my ideal body weight.

Taking the Craving Change class several months ago has helped me become aware of the many little problems food and I have in our relationship. Although much of these minor revelations happen sporadically over a long period of time. Nonetheless, I'm learning, albeit slowly.

So as you may have heard, I've been brewing a really good cup of coffee at home in the mornings (with a single cup coffee maker) and have eliminated my Tim Horton's/McDonald's coffee ritual. Usually I have one regular sized cup of coffee and look forward to it each morning.

When I was enjoying a particularly good cup the other morning, I had a typically-unhelpful self-nurturing thought. I thought it was a really amazing cup of coffee, therefore I must brew a second one. I didn't need a second one, I just felt that I deserved to experience more pleasure. If some pleasure is good, more must be better, right? Not always the case with food. We start losing that level of pleasure as we eat more.

I suspect people without eating problems will enjoy their cup of coffee, rave about it maybe, but they know something tasting good isn't a license to over-indulge. I know that cup will be there tomorrow, just as good.  It's a Keurig, so it's foolproof. But there's a voice inside me that regularly tells me to have more when something is good. Or maybe when I'm having a crappy day. Or maybe because my sports team lost. Or who knows the number of reasons I have to impulsively overeat?

I should keep a list.