It's Not Your Stomach That's Fat, It's Your Mind: A List of Things I Thought I Couldn't Do But Did

I've pushed well past 100 pounds lost and could probably lose another 75 but it's been ages since I've felt overweight.

I'm a quarter decade into to my reclaiming of me and I achieved yet another goal, one that I barely even dreamed of achieving because it seemed so far-fetched. It's got me to thinking about all the things I thought I couldn't do but did, one by one over the last two and a half years.

Regular readers know that I believe obesity has more to do with one's mind rather than one's body. I'm sure everyone who has a severe weight problem is different but my experience has been one of finding out just how messed up my mind got. The fat person's mind develops an attitude of "I can't."

Why do people seldom take action on their weight? I think it's because they gradually change their thought process on the issue. How is it we never do anything even when we're faced with possible death? Could it be because it's like raising a loaded gun to our heads in super-slow motion over time? One millimetre per day over the course of years until we just start to ignore the gun we're raising to our heads?

Here is the list of "I can't dos" that I've knocked off through the course of my life-changing journey, in chronological order:

1. At 380 pounds, after many failures, I thought I couldn't lose weight again. I'm now in the mid-two-hundreds and feel like I'm 18.
2. I thought I could never go tobogganing with my kids. Wrong.
3. I thought my body wouldn't respond to exercise in middle-age. As long as you're alive, it responds at any age.
4. I thought I could never walk longer than fifteen minutes. I've gone on two hour hikes in the mountains.
5. I thought I could never get on a bicycle again. I've ridden hundreds and hundreds of kilometres. It's always been my favourite activity and I'm doing it again.
6. I thought I could never jog. I started jogging and soon got up to fifteen minutes and stayed there for two years because I thought I couldn't go any longer.
7. I thought mountain biking was for young people because the hills--the hills are deadly, aren't they? I trained for a mountain biking race and completed the course successfully dozens of times.
8. I thought I could never do strength training because it was too hard and not for me. I started this summer and I feel even better about myself than I did with just cardio.
9. I thought my fat body could never cross country ski. I must have skied more than a hundred kilometres last winter and had a fun winter doing it.
10. I thought I couldn't exercise outside in cold weather. I've exercised in the coldest weather and not been cold because I learned how to dress.
11. After thinking I couldn't jog longer than fifteen minutes, I bumped it up to twenty last summer. How crazy is this, I thought. Then I had a bad day and bumped it up to thirty to make myself feel better about a new achievement. Even crazier, I thought, surely the longest I'm capable of doing.

My latest achievement has been running my first 5K, then I did it again two days later. That's 50 minutes at my pace. My knees are fine, everything's fine. I'm dong it outside, not on a treadmill. Even after all the things I thought I couldn't do but proved myself wrong by doing them, I still thought I couldn't do this. Not until I just decided to do it one day. Then, and only then, did I realize it was possible. 

It's hard to change a broken mind. But whatever you think you can't do physically, question that thought and know that you'll never stop thinking you can't do something until you actually just go out and do it. Proving yourself wrong is so liberating! It's the only way the fat mind will believe.

You're worth getting off the couch and moving for. Don't listen to that voice in your head. S/he is dead wrong.

Eureka Moments in Sports: A Personal Story

My son struggles with a slippery hill on his first day but he did great.

It happened again: that moment when I knew I had mastered an athletic endeavor for the first time. I don't know many greater feelings after years of being sedentary and semi-disabled. Today, following several days of struggling, cross-country skiing finally clicked. I realized, I could--and will--do it.

It was a fantastic feeling, one that snuck on me and bit me in the ass.

In eighteen months these moments have come every now and again and put tremendous wind in my sails on this journey to change the course of my life.

It came when I suddenly got strong with walking, when I took my first bike ride in years, fell down and got up again, when I started to jog for several minutes at a time, and when I suddenly found myself jogging for twenty minutes. It even came when I realized I could go for a walk on a dangerously cold night and be perfectly warm. And it came this summer when I discovered mountain biking in a moment where I realized I loved it and I could do it. It was a new kind of fun for my long-time favourite activity: cycling.

They're moments of joy because I'm having a lot of fun when they happen. They're moments that open up a big can of hope because I can see my future ahead of me looking bright and the activity I've just conquered being a part of my success.

Today I took my son out to a city park several kilometers away from home where there was a groomed ski trail. It was his first time on skis and I did my best to impart to him what I had learned some 35 years ago when I was only one year older than him. I tried to teach him the basics of cross-country skiing that I had learned at school in grade five.

We headed out onto the groomed track and, unlike out in the field behind my house where I made my own tracks, everything began to work as it should after about 100 metres. Suddenly, I found myself gliding and kicking along as I should until my heart got pumping.

The hills are another story. That'll take some practice. I fell over, to my son's delight, going down a hill. But that's a good thing. When you're tentative about something, it's good to wipe out so you know you're not going to die or break anything if you do. From then on you can be more relaxed. And I was.

I look forward to continuing to get competent at cross-country skiing with the old used equipment I have and one day venturing out onto a groomed country trail to take in some nature with my son. I might even scrape up some money for a lesson one day. It's kind of a winter replacement for cycling (and it's even done in some of the same places.)

What's next? Maybe winter cycling. My son is trying to talk me into it. Stay tuned.

For now, I'd like to give a shout out to my nutritionist who suggested cross-country skiing to me a year ago as a way to stay active during the winter. And my thanks to the Regina Ski Club for grooming the trails and providing this opportunity for me. Skiers we've encountered have all been very kind and encouraging.

• Regina ski trails maps and current conditions

Note: The Regina Ski Club puts on a ski swap in early November every year. Used sporting goods stores also have ski equipment.

The 2XL Shirt at the End of the Rainbow

A 5XL Shirt (courtesy the Internet)

Oh, the lofty goal of "2XL." Why is 2XL significant to the severely overweight male? It's because you can walk into most stores these days and buy that size off the shelf. You would shop like, you know, a normal person would shop.

With each X comes two clothing sizes, or 4 inches on the chest usually. I had got up to 5XL a year and a half ago and I was running out of Xs. Even the Big 'n' Fat stores didn't sell beyond 5XL, at least not in my city. Some U.S. stores online go beyond that. I always was a bit surprised by that since it was so easy to get to 5XL, but then I wondered if people just didn't die off anyway before they outgrew that size.

People, including medical professionals, ask me the big question: What was it that got you to finally do something? That's the million dollar question, isn't it? Running out of Xs was one of the reasons, I suppose. That and getting to a point where I was gaining weight and doing less. Part of a viscous cycle where I lost all control, even when I tried. I saw a downward spiral that would end badly.

My crazy dream was to fit into a 2XL shirt one day. I could walk into a store one day and pick out a shirt I liked then select something from the back of the rack with two Xs on it. 2XL seems SO tiny, so everyday, so...healthy. So much a bloody fantasy.

Well I'm here. I arrived earlier this month. And it's not what it I expected. I'm still huge. The fact is, 2XL is still very big. Being 2XL is by no means a healthy size. I was mad at retailers for not catering to the large, but they do. 2XL is for very overweight people. Most men don't go beyond 2XL.

I know clothing sizes are becoming larger as our population as a whole gains weight, but I was still surprised that my current size fits into most 2XL tops. There are a lot of people who haven't even noticed I've lost any weight at all. I'm pretty sure I've lost at least 100 pounds of fat (I've gained a tremendous amount of muscle just from moving my body so my overall weight may not quite be down by 100 pounds yet, but my size certainly is.)

I've had relatives say, "You should probably lose some weight." Um, are you blind? Is a person so large at 5XL that one hundred pounds of fat is not noticeable?

A year ago, when my exercise counselor at the time cautioned me that the human body will work against me to gain weight back and wanted me to temper my weight loss goals, I told her that I didn't want to be thin like so many overweight people do. I told her I wanted to be 2XL; I wanted to just be healthy. I had little vanity in my goals since I was happily married with kids and not planning an affair.

But now I must revise my goals. 2XL is just a point on the journey. It's nice to buy "regular clothes" and feel like you're more a part of society, but it's still way too big. Although the good feelings of going from 5XL to 2XL are indescribable and many, my motivation now is to lose weight so I can do more.

I've had a lot of fun and really started to live my life since I got in shape. But I want more. I don't want the weight of excess body fat to hold me back. As my son--my partner in adventure--gets into his tweens now, he's doing more and I want to keep up to him.

But at least now, I can stop worrying about the letter X.

Some Memorable Outings Seem Epic

I still remember the time I heroically ventured out for a walk on the coldest night of the year. The -46 C wind chill was blocked out by carefully chosen winter clothes. It was epic, that walk. Cinematic, even. The sounds, the smells, the adrenaline and the excitement produced a vivid, wonderful memory that won't die anytime soon.

This summer has provided for some epic adventures too. Minor achievements for the non-obese outdoorsy types, but significant and memorable ventures for me, the former "bed potato." (I aspired to be a couch potato a year and a half ago, that's how bad things were.)

Last night a number of things happened to create a perfect storm for me and the kids to attempt something unusual. First of all, my four-year-old fell asleep during supper and had a huge nap which was destined to keep her up late. Secondly, it was a strangely hot night for the end of summer in Saskatchewan. I took the kids out after dark (the sun sets 75 minutes earlier than it did at the beginning of summer) for a bike ride in the night.

The kids and I rode through the hot city streets, among the hurrying cars, lit up like an airliner with bright flashing LED bike lights that assured our safety, at least in my mind. The experience was unusual, even surreal.

It created a memory for me, it certainly must have made an impression on my young girl who pedaled her tag-a-long bike trailer, attached to my bike, through the traffic with me. She chatted relentlessly as we rode, even bonding with me before getting philosophical about how often I get angry at her and how I should take a different approach by comforting her instead. She's four!

It all could have been a dream, for either of us, but it wasn't.

The night before found our whole family on a highway in the Qu'Appelle Valley near Katepwa, one of the most beautiful places in our prairie province. We road the Trans Canada Trail between Katepwa and Sandy Beach. It was beautiful and challenging. Hills are new to me and boy, you'd better be ready for them. Even going down takes full concentration and some braking skill. It was a bit like a roller coaster except there were no guarantees you wouldn't go off the rails.

The sun set, glowing orange over the valley. We were all but alone on our ride on a rare hot night for the end of August. We cycled back on the vacant highway (narrow but with only 70 KM speed limits) in a setting that seemed nothing short of magical.

Doing new things heightens the senses and I like that. Can't get enough of it. I want to do it more. Having a fitter body can get me to that goal. The sedentary, obese me from recent history had NO such experiences. Life was a straight line. A finite line.

I'm hoping to rid myself of more body fat so I can do more and more things and have more epic evenings like I had this week.

Shaking Things Up by Doing the Opposite

When you're trying to correct life-long habits that have led to serious health problems, you have to look inward from time to time and rethink what's going on with you.

There's a popular episode of Seinfeld when George decides to do the opposite. He figures everything he's done so far in life has led to him being a total failure. So he decides to do the opposite of whatever his instincts tell him to do. It works out well for him, for the episode, anyway. 

What I've been doing most of my life with regards to my weight and health hasn't worked out well for me. So why not challenge myself? Why not try new things? Why not re-examine old beliefs? Why not shake things up a little?

In my fitness endeavor today I did the opposite of what my previous instincts would have had me do. For one thing, I did the opposite of sitting on the couch. On this rainy, cool day I went mountain biking on dirt trails outside the city. My previous instincts have always been to stay indoors when it rains and to keep bicycles away from water and mud. However, today I decided to do the opposite.

And boy was it invigorating and just plain different!

I discovered that lowering the air pressure in my tires allowed me to ride off-road with far less vibration and strain on my arms. It reduces your efficiency but allows for a much more comfortable ride when off road.

My bike got so clogged up with mud, I could barely push it, let alone ride it up hill. I might have been a bit freaked out by this in the past. Today, I threw caution to the wind and just went with it. A visit to the car wash later took care of most of the mud.

There was no one out there in the valley, there was no oppressive heat to burden me and the adrenaline involved in the challenge roused my spirit. Wheels slipped around and even spun in place at times. These are things I haven't experienced before in cycling. I was living dangerously.

When you start to get old like I am, time speeds up. A challenge I've given myself apart from my fitness journey, is to slow time down. Doing new things and challenging myself is one way I think I can slow down my rapid decent into old age. If everything's the same every day, time just keeps going by quicker and quicker.

It's hard to teach an old dog new tricks. It's hard to break old patterns. It's hard to challenge old beliefs. But doing so, I think, is necessary as part of what it will likely take to permanently change the obese person's destructive course.

It's one of a thousand little things I'm working on to overcome my weight-related health issues. And it's always fun.

Just Like That, Something New Realized

Sometimes I forget he's only eight.

Tonight I did something I've never done before.

I've said that a lot in the last year, haven't I? You know how many times I've said that in the fifteen years before that? Probably not at all.

Since I re-took up cycling almost a year ago,--Jesus, it's hard to type that, remembering that person who first got back on his bike on July 1st and the limitations he had and/or felt he had...

Let me start again.

When I got back on my bike a year ago I was reacquainting myself with fond memories of my younger years riding a road bike on streets, paved pathways and the occasional highway. I've never owned a mountain bike, didn't like them. I grew up watching my brother fine tune his racing bike for the lightest and fastest it could be...on the road. Mountain bikes were inefficient and pointless to me. I never understood them.

Until now, anyway.

During the last year of cycling with my eight year old, he's often asked me to go off road with him. I never did because I was afraid of breaking my wheels. I even avoid unsmooth streets because the wheels on my road bike are too thin and delicate for a 300 pound man. I bent a wheel once last year and had to get it fixed. Fortunately, perhaps due to a lower weight than last year, I've not had that problem again. But I stay off the gravel paths that my boy wants me to go on.

The only mountain bikes I've tried have been my wife's. They've never felt good. I dismissed mountain bikes altogether after several failed rides.

But recently I started getting curious about mountain bikes. I've often felt that I should ride one until I'm lighter because the wheels are wider and stronger on mountain bikes and they have bigger tires to absorb shock.

Then I started thinking it'd be fun to cycle through provincial parks on a mountain bike. And then I started researching trails. The Trans Canada Trail will one day go from coast to coast to coast in Canada. I started to think it'd be fun to ride on parts of it.

Call it a dream. Call it a notion to try something new. Nevertheless, I'm still a very large man who has a long way to go in reclaiming his body. I'm also getting long in the tooth, so the idea of trying new physical things still makes me hesitant.

About a week ago, my friend Brian offered me his old mountain bike which he stored outside due to lack of room. It was old and well-worn but it was a decent bike when it was new so it had potential. I quickly overhauled it and even painted some of it. For not too much money, a little bit of elbow grease, and a few trips to the bike shop, I got myself a spanky "new" ride.

Tonight, as the sun set, my son and I went for a spin to test her out. After a few gravel trails through neighbourhood parks, and some zipping up and down sidewalks onto the streets, we brazenly headed out onto a trail created by an SUV or two that circled around the edge of our neighbourhood, through a farmer's field and onto railroad property.

It was exhilarating, mostly because it was scary. The terrain got worse and worse but I felt that stopping would be a bad thing, especially because it was getting hard to see in the fading light. We dodged large rocks, minor cliffs and pools of water with mud, not to mention tall grass and weeds with thorns poking into our ankles.

It had me on edge, and my son too. But we made it and it was fun. And different. Different is good.

My son told me he was proud of himself and proud of me too.

The sedentary rarely do anything that raises the hair on their back. Sometimes living--really living-- means taking chances or trying new things that aren't easy or there's no sure outcome to them.

I hit a rut tonight, stopped suddenly and banged my belly into the handlebars (while the bars twisted downward out of place.) Was I phased? No. I'll be back again tomorrow.

Me, of one year ago, the fat guy who was two weeks from his first bike ride in fifteen years, wouldn't have had tonight's events cross his mind in his wildest imagination. What we accomplished tonight was completely unimaginable to me a year ago.

I'm almost afraid to think what else might be out there for me.

I Just Did Something Remarkable, Surreal, and Previously Unimaginable

It actually warmed up an hour after I got home.

I went for a walk, but this post isn't about fitness. Hell, this isn't even about obesity, really. I headed out in a -31° C. temperature with a dangerous wind chill of -45° C. Let me quote to you from this evening's government-issued weather warning: "At these extreme wind chill values frostbite on exposed skin may occur in less than 10 minutes."

Wow, what an amazing experience I just had! When you get older and you don't have a lot of money, new and amazing experiences are hard to come by. But they're what make life great. They're what slow down the ever-increasing speed of time as you age. They're what help keep you young.

Before you have me committed, let me explain. This is like petting a snake if you have a snake phobia. I have a bit of a winter phobia. It's more of a mindset that when winter comes, we have to cocoon. And therefore, winter is bad. That's a terrible attitude to have because winter is 2/3rds of our year where I live on the Canadian prairies.

Two reasons why I did this: Firstly, I bought a pair of traction aids for walking on slippery snow and ice today. They were on clearance for $8 from $25 (Bentley, Northgate Mall, Regina.) They're not the coil style, they're the cleat style. I didn't want to wait this cold snap out to see how they work. I have had lots of near-slips when I'm out walking because there's a lot of ice due to the warm winter (yeah, it's certainly not warm any more.)

Secondly, I wanted to see what the limits of my winter gear are, and find out how effective my layering method of dressing is. I hadn't planned on going past my driveway but when my traction aids made walking seem incredibly easy and secure (like walking on dry pavement), I had to see if I could go down to the end of the block. Then I had to see if I could go further. I felt like I was the first astronaut walking on Mars.

Earlier in the evening, we went out to a modest dinner to celebrate my wife's birthday. Most people in Regina  stayed home tonight. It's bloody cold, even for here. I was in pain from the cold wind just from the few seconds it took me to plug our car in and run into the house when we got home from the restaurant. Our whole family huddled under covers for an hour to warm up after the cake was consumed. So what on earth drove me to go do this? Curiosity, I guess. And a little determination.

The wind was strong coming off the open highway near our house. I didn't feel any discomfort so I kept going, afraid to stray too far from home under such adverse conditions. After a few minutes, my wrists started to get cold. I pulled down my sleeves a bit further and my gloves up on my arms a bit. Problem solved and I returned to my home but decided to keep going, right into the fierce, potentially deadly wind.

I was fine. The only part of my body exposed were my eyeballs. As I approached the open area around the highway, the bridge of my nose got cold. I pulled down my woolly toque over my eyebrows but it only partially helped. I decided to walk into the relative shelter of a street. From then on, I wasn't cold anywhere. My biceps, of all things, were a bit cool, but not uncomfortably so. There must be something weak in the lining of my coat. It could have been solved by wearing an extra long sleeve shirt or maybe a different fleece middle layer.

I was out in that for half an hour. The worst part was worrying that I may have died and it was all a post-death dream. It was just too easy. With ski goggles, who knows what I could have accomplished out there.

Here's what I wore, from head to toe:

Thick woolly toque over:
MEC Outdoor Research balaclava with mesh over the mouth area
Wind River gloves ($45, Mark's)
Short sleeve t-shirt
Fleece jacket from Walmart as a mid-layer
Cheap Walmart winter jacket as an outer layer
Three layers of sweat pants, with the wind-breaking pants on the outside
Old fashioned thick wool socks (Mark's)
An old pair of worn out runners
Traction Aids pulled over my runners

My feet weren't the slightest bit cold, I swear to you. When your core is warm while you're doing the slightest bit of exercise, your extremities are toasty. It's one thing to read this, it's another to prove it to yourself.

So...I just kicked winter in the ass, maybe even K-O'd it. Take that, winter! That's for repressing me and all those I love for all these years!

It was remarkable. It's especially remarkable for the fat person who is always making excuses not to go outside in any weather, let alone this. Who in their right mind would go for a walk in -45 windchills? Certainly not the fat guy.

The obese person has a lot of voices in her or his head saying, "You can't." My perceptions of what are possible have changed once again, while I learn that those voices aren't necessarily right.

I'm still not quite sure I'm not dead. Will I do it again? Why not? The side walks aren't very crowded in this weather!

I Did What a Kid Would Do: I Kept Going

I declare myself fit.

After an hour at the gym this morning, I tobogganed for nearly two and a half hours tonight with the family under the moon and star, and nothing in my body told me to stop. It was my mind that did, after I looked at my watch. I outlasted my kids and they don't have 150 pound backpacks on their backs.

No looking at my heart rate monitor, no stopping to catch my breath, just constant climbs to get that next rush of flying down the hill. That's what a kid would do. If you're having fun, if the adrenaline is flowing, you just keep going. My body has never before cooperated like this, it's always been the party pooper.

It's no exaggeration to say that a year ago I couldn't sit for two and a half hours, let alone climb a large hill repeatedly.

It goes against good judgement, but we let our four-year-old go on her own sled down the big hill with us. There was rarely a concern but she did crash twice. Once was my fault and she cried after flipping at the top of the hill. But she was just crying because she didn't make it down the hill. Then at the end of the night my wife sent her flying over a big ramp (by accident) that the daredevil snowboarders had set up. Everyone ran in horror to see how hurt she was, but she lay there giggling.

I slammed into a pile of compost, which had my son laughing all night long, even after we got home and well past bedtime.

We'll remember these last two nights of our 2011 Christmas vacation for years to come. I don't remember much of the ones I spent on the couch.

Forgive Me, I'm A Bit Eurphoric

Winter Goal 2011: Accomplished! (And I lived!)

We haven't had a whole lot of snow and it is nastily cold out but my son and I hit the slopes and I tobogganed today for the first time in 25 years.

It's a great workout. I strapped on my heart rate monitor and I'm glad I did. A slow walk up the hill easily gets my heart rate up to 85% of max, where I like to limit myself. I had to pause for a moment or two now and again and slow down to keep my pulse in check, but I was amazed at how well I did. And I expect, like any new exercise, it'll get easier and easier as my body quickly adapts.

Last year I thought I was a hero for walking up the hill a couple of times during the winter but I did it really slowly, pausing to "watch the sledding" every now and again. And I didn't dare put my sedentary body on a sled.

For the last five years, since my first born was old enough to go sledding, I stood at the bottom of the hill envying him, as well as my wife who did the tobogganing. I thought for the first time in many years about the last times I went. It was just after I finished high school and some of my friends would head to the very same hill my son and I went on today.

I remember being dragged there on a really cold winter night and we had the hill all to ourselves. Remembering that night, I'd always be impressed with myself for going out on such a cold night and having fun. Everyone had a blast and I thought of that night often. Today was almost as cold and, as an overweight middle-aged man, I certainly could have stayed at home and had another predictable, safe day. God knows most of the children of Regina opted to stay indoors and play video games. But not me, I got out there, not knowing what might happen.

I put on some cheap winter boots that I bought today from Walmart on credit (don't blame me for being poor) and my deluxe MEC balaclava, stopped by Toys R Us and bought a wide plastic sled and headed for the hill.

My first ride down was surprisingly non-eventful. I seemed to go slow (the snow wasn't very packed down and there's still some grass sticking through.). My son sped ahead of me on his Norwegian-made sled which I wish I had when I was a kid (It has a fun fur seat, steering wheel and brakes on a plastic frame.) I marched up the hill with lots of energy an zest. Really, you don't stop hill-climbing save for the few moments it takes to hurtle down the slope. The subsequent runs were much faster and were a challenge for my recovering back. But what a blast!

My son was nonplussed. I thought it'd be a big deal for him since he's always asked me to to do this (and cycling.) It was just another day on the toboggan hill for him. I'm sure he'll remember it though.

It occurred to me today, after I did the math, that my father was my age (46) when I was born. He died twenty years later and throughout that time, his health steadily deteriorated, mostly due to a weak heart. He was somewhat overweight and had smoked until I was five but he never exercised. That's going to be the difference maker for me and for my kids.

I couldn't have even imagined in my wildest dreams my father going tobogganing with me when I was a kid. I don't even think he went with my brothers who were born eleven and twelve years before me. And all this wouldn't be possible with just weight loss alone.

It's a common theme on this blog that exercise empowers me to do so much more than would be otherwise possible, even with weight loss alone. Just having the confidence in my body to sit down on a sled wouldn't have been possible without having changed my body with fitness and strength.

So the dreaded Winter season has arrived and the side walks are slippery or impassable for walking or jogging. But for a workout--a great workout--all I need do is grab a kid and our sleds and head a few blocks East to the toboggan hill.

I'll keep you updated!

Dusting off My Home Treadmill

My treadmill. I eat people that size for lunch.

When we bought our current home a couple of years ago I made sure we factored in a treadmill--a nice quiet and powerful one. Got this baby delivered from Costco online. Had to get my friend Jack to carry it up the stairs, it was so ridiculously heavy, even unassembled.

I actually used the thing on a regular basis for about three months ending a year and a half ago. I used it every other day for about 20 minutes. I noticed an improvement in my health but nothing like I did when I started walking around the neighbourhood every day for the same amount of time this spring.

I found the treadmill tedious and boring. My kids were always excited when I got on but hassled me all the time and I tensed up worrying about their safety, especially my two-year-old at the time.

I set up numerous fans and perspired like the dickens. I was really out of shape. Walking on the treadmill isn't quite as good as walking in the real world but I did have a few fantastic workouts where I got lost in my thoughts, exercised for over a half hour and pumped up the incline a bit to get my blood pumping even more. Endorphins flowed freely.

Time on the treadmill at the gym seems to pass so much faster than at home. In both situations I have headphones playing music but at the gym, maybe, I can let my mind wander when I'm not worrying about family coming and going. Also, not staring at a wall, as I do at home, might be a better environment.

The treadmill I walk and jog on at my clinic's gym is a pro-quality treadmill. It's very sturdy and very powerful. My floor tends to wobble at home, just a bit, but enough to distract me.

With winter suddenly here, I decided to literally dust off my treadmill and home and test it out. One thing I noticed tonight is that I'm Superman now compared to before. I'm so much stronger and my heart hardly notices the challenge. I'm stronger and more fit. I've come a long way. The old me on that treadmill was a sickly, profusely sweaty, unhealthy man.

Heavy D

Speaking of which, rapper Heavy D passed away today. He was only 44. I'm not familiar with him in any way beyond recognizing his name and knowing he was heavy, but it's yet another overweight celeb dying in their early forties.

I let my eight-year-old son try the treadmill tonight, using every precaution to keep him safe. Man did he love it. He put in more than 15 minutes in his formal dress clothes. He was fiddling with the incline and speed, slowing it down to have a drink of water, and trying out running. He was very, very happy about his experience and immensely proud of himself. I suspect he'll want to do it a lot more.

He's not a very good runner because he always hops and skips and then slows down. He also has poor form with his arms (he's had a lot of fine motor skill issues.) Running on a treadmill might force him into a proper technique and boost his confidence in sports at school and in soccer.

I Broke Through A Major Barrier Last Night

Chris Powell, right. From his ABC TV show.

In the TV reality show Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, trainer Chris Powell shouts the following words to doubting clients trying to workout: "Every time you think you can't do something, I'm going to prove to you that you can!"

This is something that is happening internally with me as well. I have had numerous misconceptions in what people in general are capable of and what I am capable of. Time after time I prove myself wrong by accomplishing what I thought was impossible.

I've encountered many obese people who haven't exercised a day in their life and have countless misconceptions about fitness. Yet I should know better. I had gone through a fitness phase when I was 30 years old. I went from obese and sedentary to thin and fit. I lived and breathed exercise for two or three years. It was ingrained in me even years after I stopped. So how could I have so many misconceptions about myself now and what was possible?

Well, I didn't know everything back when I was thirty. I still don't, of course, but what I do know now is that almost anything is possible with the human body.

Our bodies adapt to whatever it is we're doing. If we walk for fifteen minutes it builds muscle in our lower body thinking that we will need to walk again tomorrow (possibly to catch a sabre-toothed tiger for dinner.) If we let our bodies sit on the couch all day, our bodies think they no longer need muscle mass and will let it waste away. Soon it's a struggle to have the strength just to make it to the fridge.

I started in April by walking my three year old daughter to her preschool just a block away. It took me seven minutes there, seven minutes back, I was soaked in sweat and exhausted. I used the hour and a half just to rest up so I could pick her up at the end of her class. This happened just twice a week. Then I was asked to add some more walking on a day or two that my daughter didn't go to class.

By then, I was getting used to it and I started doing twenty minutes a night including nights when she went to school in the day time. Things began to change in me. I stopped feeling helpless. I stopped feeling hopeless. My body began to get stronger, more capable. I began to dream about riding bikes and jogging, but I saw those goals as either impossible or goals that would take months or years of hard work to achieve.

If you read my blog, you know the rest of the story. And last night I jogged for twenty minutes straight outside. This is a very important achievement for me because it matches what I did when I was the fittest I've been in my life, fifteen years ago. But I did it last night carrying an extra 150 pound weight on my back.

My body, you see, adapted. I added small increments of time to my jogging (making sure I had off days to rest and recover) and my body got stronger and stronger, preparing for the next time I jogged. I now have legs of steel.

When I first met with my exercise counsellor at the end of June, I told her I was trying 30 second intervals of jogging to spice up my walks and that my goal was to one day this winter be able to jog for 10 minutes once or twice a week. I can remember thinking, "Ten minutes would be nice, that would be good enough if I could only get there."

Now I think that I'll never run 5K in my life and I'll certainly never run a half marathon (21+ KM). But I know it's not impossible if I ever want to do it. It would take the same methods I used to get where I am today: slowly increase the length of my exercise and have patience as my body adapts.

And speaking of misconceptions, my wife, who is a pretty smart person, asked me after my ground-breaking workout last how my heart rate did after such a long run. I could have circumnavigated the globe and my heart rate wouldn't have changed. I've got a pace I jog at and my heart rate goes up to that level and stays there for however long I jog. That's the way it works.

It's like a running car parked in the driveway. The RPMs are normally at 1000 when you're idling but you when you press the pedal it goes up to 2000. Some people see exercise as a car going up the hill with the pedal to the metal. By the top of the hill there's steam coming out of the radiator. If you go slow, your breathing is deeper but not out of breath and you feel pretty much the same at the end of your jog as you do at the beginning, just a little more fatigued (but as invigorated as anything you can experience.)

If you're like me, or worse, you can think of a hundred reasons why you can't exercise and all the things you can't do. You'll have to just bowl these misconceptions over one pin at a time as they come up until you have a full understanding of the reality of what you are capable of.

I believe exercise is the cure for obesity. That's not to say it alone is the cure for excess body fat. As of now, I no longer feel obese yet I'm a full 100 pounds over the current clinical definition for obesity (BMI) for a man of my height. I'm more capable than a lot of thin people my age and I'm only going to get better and better.

Being thin isn't going to make you happy, it isn't going to fix everything's that wrong with you, but empowering yourself with fitness can sure go a long way to cure what ails you, regardless of what the scale says. And hey, it's going to take me years to lose all this excess weight if I so chose to go that route, but getting fit only took a few months with tremendous benefits coming within weeks.

First: "Running" with the Family

If you drove through my neighbourhood tonight you might have seen a once-sedentary family out jogging together. We were on our second lap of walking on this cool evening when I just up and decided I was going to jog--because I could.

My son started too. Within moments he was blocks ahead of me, but no matter, it was an astonishing event. My wife was giddy and proclaimed herself glowing to see her family out jogging together. We never would have imagined ourselves being an "active" family.

What's next? Triathlons? I'd doubt it. But four months ago when I first broke out of a walk into a trot, just to see if was possible, I could only do ten seconds without massive fatigue in my lower body and my heart beating like a rabbit.

Tonight it was almost magical, almost "out-of-body" to find myself jogging with the people I love. My wife and I both realized right away that doing such a thing would redefine our lives in dramatic fashion if we kept it up.

I pictured us driving off in the cold winter a couple nights a week to walk and jog at the field house. Not sure we can afford that right now, but the future is open to possibilities.

New Shooz

Nike Air Pegasus, Livestrong (about $130 in Canada)

I decided to buy some new running shoes yesterday and, after some research, found that one of Nike's most popular runner (Air) is one of the shoes commonly recommended for someone like me who has high arches and/or is heavy. The reason these shoes are good for me is their high amount of cushioning in the heal. They happen to have been my running shoe of choice over the years but I rarely splurge on expensive runners except when I'm on a fitness kick.

But let me tell ya, it's worth it!

What a huge difference they make, especially when I'm jogging. I really noticed their benefit when I started trotting on the treadmill this morning. It seemed like gravity had been reduced slightly! (P.S.: I'm all for having gravity reduced if for no other reason than to stop the sagging.)

The difference was so noticeable that I was repeatedly surprised to see my heart rate at the top end of my training zone (85% of max.) because my lower body felt so good. It didn't feel like it was working as hard as it normally does when I jog. And my ankle pain was more or less non-existent.

I set a new personal modern day record for jogging time by doing 12 minutes on the treadmill at incline 1 (to match real-world exertion.) I felt pretty good afterwards, considering it's twice as long as I normally jog.

Today was my last workout at my clinic for some time as I wait to get my 3 year old daughter into a preschool in the fall. Hopefully when she starts somewhere in late September, I can have the time and the freedom to get back to the gym. (We have absolutely no childcare support because we have little surviving family left in town and no other options that we can afford.)

The gym at my medical clinic was made available to me to support my lifestyle changes. Some day I hope to write a nice long post about how amazing my medical clinic is and how I think everyone should have access to the services they provide free of charge.

Goal Completed and I Feel Like a Million Bucks!

My son and I cycled the length of the longest bike path in my city at dusk tonight (about 18 KM total). This has been a goal of mine for many weeks. Before that, it was a dream.

We had to push hard to beat the fading twilight. I got a great workout because my heart rate stayed up in the 80% range for most of the trip, which took about an hour and ten minutes.

I try to cycle on cool evenings because I get exhausted easily by the heat, due to my excessive weight, I assume. I learned that I need to take more than one bottle of water with me on these trips because my large body needs more hydration than a regular sized person.

I can't tell you how amazing I feel right now. And it's not just because I completed an important goal, erasing the ghost of a past humiliation (not being able to go with my seven-year-old son last Fall when he first completed this marathon bike ride alone), but because of how perfectly healthy and invigorated I feel.

The storm that chased us the other night must have got me in good shape for tonight because tonight I did NOT feel like a morbidly-obese man (which I still am).

I didn't feel like an obese man.

I didn't feel like a fat man.

I didn't even feel like a middle-aged man (which I am.)

I felt like I did fifteen years ago when I was 29, lost all my excess weight and was in the best shape of my life. I felt like I could go on forever on this beautiful August night (provided I had more water!)

The fact that I did this, the fact that I feel so remarkably good physically at this moment seems like a dream.

If I keep going, if I never stop, I'll never wake up from this dream. And that's what I have to do.

Bike Ride Leads to Electrifying Bonding Experience With My Son

My son, his trusty bike, and approaching weather.

I've been looking for motivation to do more cycling. I've upgraded my bike to (possibly) support my weight, I'm training at my clinic's gym to have the strength to do it, but for some reason, I'm still a little hesitant to "get on the horse," as it were.

Part of the reason may be that it can be difficult at first if I'm not warmed up. Doing a few minutes of slow jogging after 15-20 minutes of walking doesn't seem more than a progression of what I'm already doing.

Biking can involve a getting the heart rate up fast and, frankly, I have to dig the thing out of the shed, fill my water bottle and don extra shorts, gloves and a helmet. And part of me wants to preserve my bike until I'm lighter.

Starved for entertainment, I decided tonight was the night I was going to tackle the Devonian Pathway in my city. It's a multi-use pathway that spans about 8 KM or so, covering much of the city. Last fall my son, who was still six years old, rode the entire pathway by himself. It was part of a parenting philosophy I've embraced to give my children freedom so they can learn not to be fearful and to solve problems on their own. In short, it's an anti-helicopter parenting philosophy. There's a movement, check it out.

I let my son do it because he's quite smart for his age, knows more than most GPSs when it comes to geography and he really wanted to do it. Normally I would have gone with him on my bike but I was unable to due to my poor physical condition. It would have suited him fine if I was able to go, it's not that he was asking to go alone, but he was eager to attempt it, even without me or his mother riding with him.

I followed in a car but due to the nature of the terrain, I wasn't able to keep constant watch on him. I had a few nervous moments waiting for him to appear at the next check point but he always did, with a big smile on his face, pedalling like crazy (he only lost his training wheels two months earlier.)

I couldn't do what he was doing and I regretted it. At the time I didn't even dare to dream that I ever could attempt something like that again in my lifetime. Tonight, I set out to put that skeleton in my closet behind me. I decided we'd do the path tonight. I figured it'd take an hour or so round trip.

However, storm clouds threatened. There was a line of rain pouring out of the sky to the west of the city. The trail starts at the West end of the city and it seemed like it might hit us. My boy, now seven, pushed me to continue. "We can always turn around Daddy."

We got about half way when the lightning got a little too intense and a little too close. I changed my mind about the storm missing us. My son convinced me to turn around and make the fifteen minute trip back to the van, even though we'd be going into the storm.

I was wearing my heart rate monitor strap that happens to work with my old bike computer from fifteen years ago. I can see my heart rate on the little computer screen, below my speed, distance, etc. As we pushed hard to beat the rain clouds and lightning, I could see my heart rate rising to the 85% level, the maximum my doctor recommended I go.

I began weighing the risk of heart attack vs the risk of being hit by lightning. Maybe it didn't matter because a friend later joked, "lightning is nature's defibrillator." I kept my heart rate at 85% even though I wanted to pedal harder to possibly save my life. (OK, it wasn't that bad!)

As the skies grew even darker, the wind blew harder and the rain began to pelt us, I told my son that in all the years I've cycled (avidly until my early twenties when obesity came, and again later when I got fit for a period) that I had never cycled in a thunderstorm. The first time was with him.

I was really impressed with my son. He watches the weather channel a lot and we worry that he might be scared of severe weather but he was cool as a cucumber. The kid who runs in the house to change as soon as he gets water on himself outside on a hot day didn't even want to change into dry clothes when we got home.

I suspect he will remember this evening fondly for the rest of his life. I will too. There's nothing like cheating death to bring a family together.

It's also a good way to get a wicked workout.

First Bike Ride with Family

My first very short test runs in my neighbourhood were conducted under the cover of darkness I struggled going half way down the block on my wife's ill-fitting mountain bike and conducting several seat tests on my newly-refurbished hybrid bike. Tonight we set forth in front of God and my neighbours, including the weird one down the block with a large analogue clock hanging in her picture window.

I felt conspicuous and awkward, although less than I would have before my adventure with my son yesterday. With my wife towing my three year old daughter in a bike trailer, and my son on his bike, we hit the three corners of Uplands (the city subdivision I live in.)

It was a very enjoyable 45 minute ride as the sun set over the houses in this prairie town. I was a lot more relaxed this time, and halfway through my ride, I realized I felt like I normally do on my bike: completely at ease, in control and not exceedingly huge.

Maybe I wasn't. My son yelled from behind me, "Hey Daddy, you look smaller. Your back looks smaller!"

I arrived home confident and unashamed, looking to dismount gracefully in front of my neighbours. However, my foot got stuck on my saddle during the dismount and I almost pulled a muscle trying to save face.

Oh well, screw them. I don't see any of them biking!

A dream came true for me today, although there were moments that seemed like a nightmare

Four summers ago my son started riding a two wheeler bike with training wheels (he skipped tricycles all together.) He must have picked up on my love of bikes because he rode and rode and rode that thing. Once he rode several kilometers to my mother's house as I walked with him to the point of exhaustion.

But he saw my bike hanging in the garage with the helmet attached and frequently asked why I never rode with him. "I can't," I'd say. "Daddy's too unhealthy."

So for four years it was a dream of mine to ride my bike with my son. A dream that I thought wasn't any more attainable than owning my own tropical island. A few weeks ago it became a goal, but not for this year. Then I found myself in a bike shop asking to replace my bent wheel with a stronger one and a larger more cushiony tire. Later, I tried out some plush seats, taking one back to the store and finding a better one. Suddenly, my bike was ready to go, but I wasn't. I felt I was too heavy to ride a bike with thin rims like mine.

I was still 350 pounds at my last weigh in. I had lost fat and became smaller, but my overall mass didn't go down much and that didn't help get me any closer to my goal. I tried riding my wife's mountain bike but it was so wrong for me that I almost gave up on the dream of cycling completely.

One night recently, after the sun had set, I nervously set out on my newly-refurbished bike to see if it were possible. I zoomed along like I was riding on air. So much better for me was my hybrid bike (a cross between a mountain bike and a road bike) that it had almost seemed effortless. Yet I was still tentative and when challenged, my legs seemed really weak and muscle pain came easy. I didn't go far. I also was very tense, fearing my wheel would cave in.

I did one session of training at my clinic's gym yesterday to strengthen my legs for cycling and my arms to support my weight as I leaned forward on a bike. After a night's rest, I decided to give cycling a try with my son. He likes exploring, so first I tried to find a stretch of abandoned highway. I couldn't find one so I decided to go on bike path in a newer part of the city that no one in the family had ever tried. It was to be an adventure.

I tried to prepare my son by telling him I didn't think I could go very far or for very many minutes. He seemed to understand, but he's only seven. I put his bike in the minivan and strapped mine to the roof. We headed to the other end of town and I parked near the pathway on a residential street.

I was very apprehensive and worried that I'd disappoint my boy. But we set out and things went okay at first. People greeted us regularly. My perineum had been bothering me and I was worried it wouldn't hold for very long. I was sweating and tense and after a few minutes I asked to stop at a park bench.

We continued through the beautiful park on this cool summer day with lots of clouds. I spent a lot of time coasting past my son because my heavy weight gave me a lot of momentum going down hills. We explored as I chased after him. He completely forgot I had limitations and after a while, so did I.

The path was confusing because there were constant forks in it. We eventually got to the end where there was an artificial marsh in a park area. This is a more affluent part of the city and there's amazing play structures every few yards it seemed.

As we were headed back, we weren't quite sure where were were going. I over-exerted myself and became a bit aloof in my concentration. I was going too fast approaching a walking bridge and had to slam on the brakes to avoid hitting some large rocks. I skidded on sand and crashed. I thought I wrecked my bike but it was fine. I didn't care about me so much because I have free health care, my bike doesn't not, and I have no money to fix it.

I dusted myself off and walked for a while to get my bearings and see if I could recognize where we were. It didn't seem familiar and we thought we were lost. Storm clouds were moving in and I discovered my cell phone was dead.

Where we were lost, minus the storm clouds.

My son, the mapwhiz, found a sign with a map on it and figured out where we were before I did. A moment earlier we were lost and worried. He felt like he saved the day and his mood got even brighter than it had been. We had bonded more in those few minutes of desperation than we had since at any one time since his birth.

After 10.5 kilometers, I've never been so happy to see my stinking 1998 minivan. I pedaled even harder to get to her sooner.

Lessons Learned

Bring more water. I thought a small water bottle from a grocery store would do. It did not. I had to suck on some of my son's water. A proper bike water bottle needs to be purchased.

Find a way to wear a sweatband under my helmet. My eyes had sweat in them constantly and it was irritating.

My GPS might have been handy if I recorded the route so we could retrace it.

I got a mosquito bite on my back and I wish I had a back scratcher in the worst way.

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This has been a Canada Day I won't soon forget.