Three Years Ago Today My Life Changed

Three years ago today my life began a long, slow change towards a new me. I can confidently say that I have successfully reclaimed James. The struggle now is to hang on to him.

On this Saturday morning, I lay in bed eagerly pondering my physical activity for the day. I feel the adrenaline flowing through my veins as I consider the nice winter weather and the opportunity to go for an hour long cross country ski trek that will get my heart pumping and endorphins flowing. I have no fear, no apprehension, only anticipation of getting better at an activity I recently discovered. But three years ago, it would have been a far different story.

Three years ago I ate until my stomach hurt. That was my signal that I was full. Three years ago I ate fat and sugar laden foods that made me feel irritable, tired and sick. Eating made me sick.

Today my diet is moderated by reason and tempered by a conscious realization of what is going into me and how much I really need. It's a struggle but I've got it under control and am slowly making improvements. I still see junk food and am overtaken by anxiety. That probably shows a food addiction in me that will always be there, like other addictions are in addicts who are in recovery. But I have no desire to make myself sick by eating anymore. Awareness of the nuances of my eating disorder helps me keep it at bay.

Three years ago any activity was a struggle. Walking my daughter to her preschool at the end of the street was like climbing a mountain. I dreaded the ever so slight hill, barely noticeable to most people, in my journey down the street. Today, it's nothing to me. It's not even there. Three years ago, it wiped me out. I'd return home from the preschool soaked in sweat and exhausted. I'd use the whole time to my duaghter was at school to rest up for the block long journey to get her home.

Today I run 5K every other day and look forward to it. Three days a week I strengthen my body at the gym and that allows me to feel good about myself and helps me lose weight by increasing my metabolism. I cycle on roads and mountain biking trails and I cross country ski.

I've not only reclaimed James, I've reclaimed my youth. I feel like I'm eighteen again and anything is possible. Three years ago I felt like I was ninety.

It's Not Your Stomach That's Fat, It's Your Mind: A List of Things I Thought I Couldn't Do But Did

I've pushed well past 100 pounds lost and could probably lose another 75 but it's been ages since I've felt overweight.

I'm a quarter decade into to my reclaiming of me and I achieved yet another goal, one that I barely even dreamed of achieving because it seemed so far-fetched. It's got me to thinking about all the things I thought I couldn't do but did, one by one over the last two and a half years.

Regular readers know that I believe obesity has more to do with one's mind rather than one's body. I'm sure everyone who has a severe weight problem is different but my experience has been one of finding out just how messed up my mind got. The fat person's mind develops an attitude of "I can't."

Why do people seldom take action on their weight? I think it's because they gradually change their thought process on the issue. How is it we never do anything even when we're faced with possible death? Could it be because it's like raising a loaded gun to our heads in super-slow motion over time? One millimetre per day over the course of years until we just start to ignore the gun we're raising to our heads?

Here is the list of "I can't dos" that I've knocked off through the course of my life-changing journey, in chronological order:

1. At 380 pounds, after many failures, I thought I couldn't lose weight again. I'm now in the mid-two-hundreds and feel like I'm 18.
2. I thought I could never go tobogganing with my kids. Wrong.
3. I thought my body wouldn't respond to exercise in middle-age. As long as you're alive, it responds at any age.
4. I thought I could never walk longer than fifteen minutes. I've gone on two hour hikes in the mountains.
5. I thought I could never get on a bicycle again. I've ridden hundreds and hundreds of kilometres. It's always been my favourite activity and I'm doing it again.
6. I thought I could never jog. I started jogging and soon got up to fifteen minutes and stayed there for two years because I thought I couldn't go any longer.
7. I thought mountain biking was for young people because the hills--the hills are deadly, aren't they? I trained for a mountain biking race and completed the course successfully dozens of times.
8. I thought I could never do strength training because it was too hard and not for me. I started this summer and I feel even better about myself than I did with just cardio.
9. I thought my fat body could never cross country ski. I must have skied more than a hundred kilometres last winter and had a fun winter doing it.
10. I thought I couldn't exercise outside in cold weather. I've exercised in the coldest weather and not been cold because I learned how to dress.
11. After thinking I couldn't jog longer than fifteen minutes, I bumped it up to twenty last summer. How crazy is this, I thought. Then I had a bad day and bumped it up to thirty to make myself feel better about a new achievement. Even crazier, I thought, surely the longest I'm capable of doing.

My latest achievement has been running my first 5K, then I did it again two days later. That's 50 minutes at my pace. My knees are fine, everything's fine. I'm dong it outside, not on a treadmill. Even after all the things I thought I couldn't do but proved myself wrong by doing them, I still thought I couldn't do this. Not until I just decided to do it one day. Then, and only then, did I realize it was possible. 

It's hard to change a broken mind. But whatever you think you can't do physically, question that thought and know that you'll never stop thinking you can't do something until you actually just go out and do it. Proving yourself wrong is so liberating! It's the only way the fat mind will believe.

You're worth getting off the couch and moving for. Don't listen to that voice in your head. S/he is dead wrong.

Moving Into A New Era In My Fitness Life

It's been a while since I updated this page so I thought I'd give a brief update.

I've continued to progress with exercise, getting fitter and stronger slowly, just as the weight continues to go down gradually. I'm eating better and better while not feeling hungry or deprived.

I feel better than I have since I was a teenager, all thanks to my fitness from various forms of aerobic exercise. I'm turning 47 at the end of the month. For me to feel like I did when I was eighteen, is a tremendous thing. And it couldn't be further from being bedridden and sickly, as I was a quarter decade ago when I embarked on this journey to change.

I feel like a normal person, in spite of still being a large person. There's nothing I think twice about, nothing everyday I doubt I can do physically. There was a time 2.5 years ago when I questioned my ability to get up and eat supper. I thought my life was behind me, not in front of me as it is now.

I just got back from a half hour jog with my nine year old son. In a few more minutes, I will have forgotten that I jogged today because I won't feel it. Yesterday I went on a 30 kilometre ride with both my kids (5 and 9) and my wife. Life is good, better than I ever imagined it could be from getting off my ass and moving my body.

This summer I realized a career dream. I had the lead role in a low budget indie feature film. It was the role I'd had been waiting my whole life for. This wouldn't have been possible if I had not transformed myself through exercise and better nutrition.

My endurance is remarkable. One night during the filming I didn't sleep a wink (due to caffeine and stress). Being an actor means having to be fresh and focused on your character and your next scene. We shot outside on a hot day without any amenities and I survived remarkably well. The old me wouldn't have lasted an hour. It was a shining example of how far I've come and the opportunities that have opened up for me because I reclaimed my health.

I've begun strength training and although I don't enjoy it that much, I am feeling the benefits of it. This is the next chapter in my story. I'm going to go really hard this winter and see how far I can go.

One Year of Mountain Biking

Almost exactly one year ago I pieced together my first mountain bike and tried it out around the 'hood.

Tonight I walked to the local park  that is the former landfill where I toboggan with the kids in the winter and I had a flashback to those first days of having that bike. I remember trying it "off road" on level grass and I hated it. It was so slow and my arms hurt from holding up my body. It was tedious and a huge effort to do virtually nothing. In the background, stood the big hill which I only recently was able to walk up at the time. To think that I could ride that same bike UP that hill, repeatedly, and not think for a second about arm strain or other fatigue is startling to me. 

And it's a stark reminder of how I wasn't always like I am today, this week. I so easily forget the way things were. I'm thinking maybe putting pictures on the wall as a constant reminder. 

How This Fat Guy's House Has Changed in Two Years

It drives my wife crazy. They're everywhere in our house. You can't swing a cat with out hitting one. My house is cluttered with items used in the support of an active lifestyle.

The winter of two years ago was different. The house was much less cluttered by comparison. There were a pair of gloves, a toque and a standard winter jacket. That's all I needed. My big endeavors were to go to the grocery store. Maybe do a little fast food eating in the minivan. The rest of the time was spent on the couch or in bed, sore from a high-fat diet and jellified muscles carrying a ridiculous amount of weight.

Walk in my front door with me now, will you? I'll give you the tour.

The front porch is heavy with indications that I'm no longer sedentary. You'll notice two sets of cross country skis. I only started a week ago and I'm already on my second set. Picked up some waxless skis yesterday that are easier to use. Cost me $20.

Your eyes will no doubt dart towards the snow sleds sitting by the front closet. I have three, one for each particular sledding condition. My latest is soft to keep my spine from compressing and has a fin to guide it true.

On the floor you'll see winter boots for the first time in decades. I need these for tobogganing and winter hikes. A cheap pair of runners is dedicated to icy conditions. They have metal cleats strapped to the bottoms. Can't let ice keep me indoors.

Inside the closet you'll find drawers with not one, but three, sports balaclavas. Each for a different temperature range. Beyond that, there's an assortment of toques, beanies and skull caps for cycling or winter exercise. On the floor, runners for jogging, complete with orthopedic inserts that finally provide relief to my calves during vigorous exercise. And be careful of the freshly sharpened ice skates. They're waiting for December.

You'll have to forgive me for the bike wheel by the front door, I don't know where else to put it right now.

The open stairs as you enter the house are littered with Jameswear. Three sizes of fleece jackets, made for a man who sweats, all of which can be layered if necessary. There's T-Max Heat socks ready to go for cold days, long underwear (which I haven't used since I was a kid), ski pants for very cold weather, and layers of sweat pants for cooler weather. A heart rate monitor and watch sit at the ready, along with my iPod and headphones. Athletic shorts and shirts for the gym are also all over the place. All these clothes are at the ready. Every day some of them get used in the pursuit of fitness.

Which leads me to something else we have a lot more of: Laundry detergent. I'm washing a lot more clothes. Usually there's a fresh pile of clothes soaked with sweat that gets cleaned almost daily. Two winters ago, I rarely worked up enough heat to require clothes to be washed on a regular basis. Now, the washing machine is running constantly.

Entering the kitchen, there's a serving cart that couldn't be more full of bike helmets, sweat bands, cycling gloves, hydration back packs, water bottles and a few cycling tools and bike spare parts.

In the laundry room, more skis for the family, and a bike rack for the car.

The shed had bikes in it two years ago. Now it has twice as many. I picked up bikes on UsedRegina and at garage sales for me or the kids.

Our home and our life is hardly recognizable from two years ago. Thank god!

Achieving and Surpassing My Winter Goal

It's amazing to me how quickly I've been moving from fantasies, to dreams, to goals, to achievements and beyond. Cycling moved quickly that way for me in the summer. At first it seemed nearly impossible or something that would take years to achieve. I came up with tobogganing with my kids as my winter goal this year and I'm amazed, as I was with cycling, how fast I moved from a dream to an everyday, no-big-deal, occurrence.

I noticed last night that I wasn't looking at my heart-rate monitor watch on a regular basis. Only once did I glance at it to make sure I wouldn't push my heart too far. When I did look, it was a little over my target maximum of 85%, but that's okay. I knew what was happening. My heart, and hill-climbing muscles were all getting stronger and more efficient, to the point that it was no big deal to walk up that big hill.

This means I felt like a normal, fully-capable person, for the first time in many, many years. Maybe even more capable than some sedentary thin people my age. This feeling is very different than what I experienced on the same toboggan hill a year ago with my kids. Then, I stood at the bottom of the hill and watched. Occasionally, I'd sneak halfway up the hill, slowly and with long pauses to rest, and shoot some pictures of my kids having fun. It was ingrained in me that I couldn't do what they did. I was ostersized from the world of the healthy.

After a couple exhilarating runs down the long toboggan hill last night, I stopped near the bottom, looked up at the surreal, artificially-lit winter scene, felt the strong but harmless winter wind in my face, and thought that I hadn't had this much fun since I was a kid. I later found myself alarmed by this realization. How much had I really missed out on all my adult life? And how much more fun should I be perusing in my future?

I'm not sure the answers to these questions yet, but I do know, a day spent without being active is a day wasted.

Oh My Heart, My Lazy, Barely Beating Heart

I didn't sleep well last night and I was tired tonight at walking time. The usual excuses went through my head, "I'm close to falling asleep, I can't possibly do this tonight." But I persisted. Halfway through you always wonder how you could have possibly wanted to avoid the enjoyment that a walk outdoors provides.

Like I always say, the hard part is making the decision to go, the easy part is going.

Yet I was tired and my muscles may not have been fully recovered from the night before. I jogged a bit, slow like I did when I first started in the summer (barely a trot) and I couldn't believe my heart rate. It was a full 20 beats below what it was at the same jogging  speed last summer when I first got my heart rate monitor, and ten beats below what it was in the Fall.

My heart has come a long way. It's a muscle, you know, and it's gotten stronger and more efficient just like many of my other (lower body) muscles. And that's definitely a good thing! Just see the video in the post below to be reminded why.

And finally today: You know how some women have shoe fetishes? Well I think I've developed a balaclava fetish. I now own two new, very useful balaclavas. One for very cold weather that covers my mouth and nose and one for coldish weather that lets my whole face be exposed. Wore it tonight, loved it.

One Year Ago, I Asked My Doctor for Help

One year ago, I had the results of my annual check-up. Although my blood work was all good, my blood pressure was creeping up, as was my weight. It had increased far past the point I ever thought it could. And, although I surrendered myself to the idea of  having to do something, I continued to gain weight. I seemed helpless to stop it even for the following two months leading up to the first meeting with my nutritionist.

It had seemed to me that I was at a tipping point. My weight was so great and my overall energy and ability so low (and decreasing) that I was headed down a slippery slope. I couldn't move very much so my body didn't burn many calories. Since it didn't burn many calories, I got heavier no matter how much I cut back on excessive eating.

Fortunately, much of what ailed me then was miraculously cured by something called exercise, which strengthened my body simply by my moving in a fashion that kept my heart rate elevated but not too high.

If I could snap my fingers and go back to that time one year ago and feel my fatigue, that general feeling of being ill and the effort it would take just to walk across a room, I'm sure I'd fall to my knees and die. It's just that extreme, what has happened to me and how far I've come.

I never dreamed I'd jog again or ride a bike. I thought many fun things were over for me. I even spent time planning my funeral. I felt helpless about my situation. More than anything, I thought I had failed my children.

The journey I'm on has only just begun. I learn things every day about myself and about my condition. In recent months I have focussed soley on exercise and haven't worried about the number on the scale whatsoever. My overall weight does not effect the improvements in my health. My ever-increasing fitness is at the core of what I do. The reasons for my eating problems are so complex, I can't begin to understand them. I'll approach that aspect day by day, knowing that there is no quick solution to fix why I eat the way I do. Exercise and progress in fitness fuels my resolve to be in control of my eating.

Last night I was visiting with friends at a home where a nice spread of junk food was laid out before us. Each time chip dip reached my taste buds a ridiculously-euphoric psysiological reaction occurred in me. This can't be normal! Dealing with eating problems may take years for me to get a hold on. It will most likely be with me for the rest of my life at some level, but it matters not if I stay strong physically.

The night before last, I headed out on a very cold winter night with storm-like bitterly-cold winds. I walked the same half-hour route I walked last summer on the warmest and most beautiful of nights. I faced the threat of winter head-on. I learned that winter need not stop me and all I have to do is learn how to dress. I can't afford all the latest gear but I did invest in a good balaclava to keep my face warm. The rest of me was protected by layers of cheap and well-worn Walmart clothes.

Yesterday I returned home from a two hour shopping excursion. Out of habit, I collapsed on my bed and waited for the relief to set in. It didn't. My body didn't require any relief. It wasn't sore and fatigued. It was fresh and strong and ready for more.

And that's where I'm at, one year after deciding something had to give.

Who Do We Aspire To Be? People In Car Commercials? The Answer Just May Be Yes!

Have you ever noticed how outdoorsy people are in car commercials? Not pickup truck commercials and not luxury car commercials but regular cars and SUVs. They're always heading somewhere with a kayak on their roof and a few mountain bikes attached to the back. They're fit, healthy and extremely happy.

It's no secret that ad agencies have always appealed to us by depicting the people we want to be, not the people we are. Even Depends adult diaper commercials show the elderly lawn bowling or going on brisk walks on the beach in track suits. It's got me wondering: What is the person I aspire to be?

Obesity puts a limit on the possibilities in life and after awhile you start to downsize your dreams, having given up on your body. Now, I'm finding, I'm starting to open up my thoughts on what I can be, knowing now that anything is possible. I doubt I'll ever climb Everest, but there's so much more possible with me now than there was a few months ago. And as I continue making progress, even more things will be possible.

Did I ever aspire to be the family with a kayak on their roof running off for a day of fun activity in nature? I think I did. It's been for so long that my aspirations have been crushed by the weight of...my weight. Cycling again is something I never thought possible and lamented not being able to do. Well I'm back and it's fantastic! A couch is nowhere to spend your life. Happiness IS being active. It IS getting out there and doing things the sedentary body cannot.

Many years ago I hit a bit of a bump in my life and decided to take off on a solo vacation to Hawaii. (My airline ticket was only $399 return!) I was going through my fitness phase at the time and bought a little tourist book on Hawaii. The book suggested a place to rent bicycles and the author highly recommended renting a kayak at a certain park. I had  never been on a kayak before but he wrote that this kayak outing was suitable for beginners. After an hour long bus ride there, I found that kayaking was not permitted due to lack of water in the small stream. I was DEVASTED. I thought my whole vacation was ruined. To this day, I have never kayaked.

But I did have a bike for the whole time I was there. It was a tremendous way to explore a tourist destination. You pick up so much more on a bike, all your senses can take everything in. (I imagine scooters and motorcycles are good too but maybe not as good.) I cycled along the coast to a beach destination and when I returned, I was so high on the experience I cycled and cycled through Honolulu. And when I got back to the hotel, I promptly got the flu.

Nevertheless, I swore I would do this sort of active, outdoorsy thing every chance I could and that I would embrace the outdoor experience for everything it had to offer. Instead, I spent a great deal of time on chairs and couches watching my life pass me by and putting my health at great risk.

I've been eyeing up kakaks at the store the last few months. Such preposterous thoughts wouldn't be permitted with the old James but there's so much out there for the new me to discover.

I'll start with going tobogganing with my kids for the first time and take it from there. Maybe some mountain biking on nature trails (they're building one all across Canada, you know), some hiking and possibly even some kayaking could be in my future.

A few months ago I didn't think I had a future of any kind, let alone the one I'm now starting to imagine.

Out of Body: My Last Major Bike Ride of the First Summer of the New Me

There are remarkable moments in life that, as they are happening, you know you're living a moment you will never forget. I realized that tonight nearing the end of a 65 minute challenging bike ride. By then I was alone, soaked in sweat with my heart racing and my blood full of exercise-released endorphins. It was pitch black outside and it started to rain. I hadn't felt that alive in many, many years. When you're in those moments, rare as they may be, you welcome the rain. You look at the sky and yell, "Bring it on! I feel incredible!"

With dinner in the oven, I loaded the bikes onto the minivan, picked up my wife from work and we came home to eat supper. The sun sets at 6:25 so we had to be fast to take advantage of what might be the last warm day of Fall.

But it was windy and I headed into it with my daughter towing behind. My heart rate frequently surged past 85% and it was all I could do just to keep going. But we made it to the childrens' play park and I dropped off the wife and kids, detached the ride-on trailer for the first time since I got it a week ago, and rode off back into the night alone to get the minivan.

With the subsiding winds behind me, the trailer no longer dragging on my bike, the streets and pathways empty due to nightfall and my legs thrusting me effortlessly through the blackness, I felt like Superman.

Exhilarated, I thought of myself just three months ago, tentatively opening the shed to look at my once-trusty bicycle, its rear wheel bent. It had sat unused, unloved for the last twelve years. I wondered for the first time if it and I could ever could be one again. After the first try taking it up the street, my legs in pain, my bottom sore, I didn't have a lot of hope, yet I somehow remained determined. Maybe next year, I thought. Maybe if I work hard for a year, I could ride it again.

It's not a cliché, it's not a meaningless expression when I say I couldn't have imagined ever experiencing a moment like that again in my life, only a few months ago. Honestly, I would have given the same weight to someone telling me I'd be an astronaut on the space shuttle.

But with one little step at a time, I built and built and built until I got to this point. If I can go from being a near-invalid to feeling like the world's greatest athlete for a few wonderful minutes in the rain, so can you. Everyone can. You just have to become a believer. To become a believer, you've got to turn off your brain and get out there, do your best, whatever that may be, build on small steps for a little while, and one day when you least expect it, it'll hit you. You'll change and you'll never imagine yourself stopping.

Today I Celebrate Two Months of Cycling

On July 1st I set out for my first bike ride since 1998. I was nervous, winded and had to take at least two sit down breaks to rest. I couldn't keep up to my seven year old son as we pedalled through a paved bike path in the city's suburbs. My bike was uncomfortable and the next day my elbows were so sore and weak I thought my forearms were going to fall off.

Today, just two months later, I was out buying a pair of cycling shorts (innershorts to be specific) and pair of cycling socks so I could squeeze into an old pair of cycling shoes. You might say, I'm a bit of a cycling fanatic. These days I'm not getting winded riding with my son. Hell, I can't even get my heart rate up above 70% (in any sort of training zone) riding with him these days.

I write a lot about how far I've come fitness-wise. The moral of the story here is: Don't underestimate yourself or your body, no matter what shape you're in. Even though I once went from sedentary and obese to thin and fit some fifteen years ago, I still fell into the trap all these years later of doubting my body. I doubted my ability to become fit at 44. I created a bunch of my own misconceptions of what a 44 year old man who is 200 pounds overweight can do.

Only recently have I started to relax on my bike and have fun, not fearing it's going to collapse beneath me, in spite of the fact that a couple of days ago I broke a lawn chair and hurt my leg and elbow.

Last night I did my first jog back on the street after jogging at my clinic's gym all summer. When I started out I had this weird, unsettling feeling. I was moving like I was jogging but I didn't feel the normal sensations that I expected to feel. I felt like I was floating down the street without any effort.

I decided that it must have been six days off (of jogging) combined with my new runners and a summer of building muscles in my legs and the muscle that is my heart. A couple minutes in, I started feeling some of the normal feelings but it was quite jolting at first to see how far I've come.

Two months ago, I wouldn't have believed any of this. And I'm sure I still have plenty of learning to do.

UPDATE: The pants work great and made for a very comfortable ride.

Obesity and Employment: Remembering the Way Things Were

I was asked earlier in the summer to remember how things were before I started exercising this spring and to write them down so I'd not forget. At the time I spoke of what dramatic changes I had seen in my energy levels and my everyday physical abilities.

You may have already read that last winter I found myself confined to a bed most of the day. I was too sore, too tired, too weak to do much more. As a stay at home parent, I began to regret my lack of physical ability to give my children all the attention they deserved.

My main activity with my three-year-old daughter was to read stories in bed with her during the day while my wife worked. I didn't have much energy to look after the house either. Putting a load of dishes into the dishwasher was a big deal. I really wasn't a shining example of a stay at home dad.

What's surprising to me now is how quickly I have forgotten the details of my daily life back then even though it was just a few months ago. I really need to not forget. I'm hoping this blog will help.

As a stay at home parent, I did poorly at my "job" due to my physical limitations (that were ever-deteriorating, it seemed.) I didn't much imagine myself with an actual job, with responsibilities, long days and unable to lay in bed whenever I required.

I do work a few days a year as a comic actor in film and television. It's a long, sordid story how I became an actor, so I won't bore you with it. I don't pursue acting, but sometimes I am pursued, mostly by people I know, to do the occasional comedy acting gig in front of a camera.

Most people, even those who share my affliction, might assume that motion picture acting is perfectly doable for someone with a severe weight problem. I was starting to find that this is not the case. I was becoming less than capable of the job physically. I began to struggle with the simplest of tasks.

In the last couple of years I'd have a hard time getting out of chairs in a scene. Or walking up a flight of stairs without gasping and sweating profusely. There's a long tradition of "fat" comic actors in North American, but I was getting too big and too limited to be an appealing choice for directors.

Last year I was asked to audition for a small one-time role in a national TV show. I was asked by a friend who produced the show who thought I'd be suitable for the part. He knew my abilities as a comic actor and probably thought the audition would just be a formality. But I had to walk up four flights of stairs to get to the audition and even after a half hour of waiting in the heat, still sweating profusely, I couldn't remember my name when it came time to perform, let alone my lines. I was completely humiliated and thought I'd never act again.

In the spring of this year, just as I was starting to make changes in my life through the support of my medical clinic, I suffered another humiliation. I was asked to audition for a bank commercial that could possibly lead to further promotional work. I nailed the audition comedy-wise and was a top two finalist, but in the end, they didn't want me promoting their bank based on my physical appearance (showbiz is a cruel profession.)

Last week I performed in what was probably the largest role of my 25 year (casual) acting career, at least largest in the quantity of the part (it's a low-budget web series.) When I was hired for it in April, I did a screen test with the acquaintance who asked me to be in his project. In that screen test I worried about my ability to get up out of a chair. In fact, it was quite difficult and I struggled.

But last week, when it came time to actually make the show, I was a different man. Last week I didn't have any problems putting in a nine or ten hour day (I actually asked at the outset not to have days longer than 8 hours, which they often are.) I didn't have any problem walking three quarters of a block away to change my costume a dozen times in a day. I didn't have any problems walking up and down steps, and I didn't have any problems getting out of chairs. I couldn't have done this capably a year ago, or even a few months ago.

The truth is, when I was hired for this in the spring, I had no idea if I could actually do it due to my health. If I hadn't started getting in shape, this project would have been extremely difficult for me, I would have likely faltered and suffered further humiliation. However, as it turned out, I aced the role and my acting career will live to see another day.

But I have to remember what things were like before I started exercising. It's important to my long term success.