My Story of Cross-Country Skiing

I write this because I am extremely thankful.

My daily winter exercise of taking a walk didn't happen this year. I only did it once and here's why.

It started with a suggestion at a meeting with my nutritionist eighteen months ago. I was pondering the first winter of the new me and the anxiety I felt about how I would stay active during the cold months. I was confounded by the suggestion that I take up cross country skiing. I thought, "Me? Wasn't skiing for the very fit and very dedicated?"

I thought back to grade five when our class took cross country skiing lessons. At first it was tedious, but after a few sessions and some downhill thrills, I loved it and vowed very sincerely that I would do it again one day, even if I had to wait until I was an adult.

I always intended to, I didn't forget. However, the years of descending deeper and deeper into obesity eroded any ambitions I had to keep past promises.

I still remembered the promise to myself 35 years ago and the fond memory when the idea of cross country skiing was suggested to me as a middle-aged adult. I tried to picture how it would work, where I would do it, and what it would look and feel like. I was told there is an annual ski swap where used equipment could be purchased and that there were groomed ski trails in some central city parks.

I still couldn't imagine it. It wouldn't come together in my mind.

Skiing couldn't be for me. Not for now, anyway. It was a misguided idea, I concluded.

One Year Later

Winter was approaching once again and my last gasps of cycling season were taking place on cold, barren trails alone, without my son or my wife. During my previous fitness quests/weight loss periods, winter was always the time when I failed. I couldn't stay active and I struggled to maintain my summer weight while my physical conditioning reversed. Winter was a period of remorse. I impatiently waited for another summer to restart my physical activity and, thereby, my success and well-being.

Cycling was big for me last summer and I wanted something fun more than ever to replace it for winter. I saw a poster for the ski swap and took the family to check it out. We realized that we actually had ski equipment in the shed and remembered the many times we almost threw it out. The staff was helpful and I left with skis for my son and a determination that I was going to try skiing this year, one way or another.

The snow came early and heavy. I decided to test out my equipment by the light of the moon so I wouldn't be seen. I can barely remember what that was like. I took one timid, wobbly step at a time and formed a straight line between my back gate and a group of trees off in the distance. I'd turn around and return, slowly. I wasn't skiing as much as snowshoeing with skis and trying desperately just not to fall over.

It wasn't coming to me after several days of attempts and I couldn't shake my tentativeness. I was determined to keep trying and trying until I got it. Night after night I'd go out and make tracks. After a week or so my son came out with me and we made a triangle track that was longer. And then, like so many other pivotal points in my fitness quest, my nine year-old son showed me the way.

We went to a quiet novice ski trail at a small city park. His first times skiing were nothing to him. My top-heavy body struggled. My knees buckled slightly under my weight when flexing my knees. But I had to keep up with the boy so I endured until, after a couple outings at the public trail, something clicked and I found myself more or less...skiing. I knew that day that I could do it, that I was capable of it, if not now than soon. That realization changed everything.

My boy and I started making 1/3 KM trails on the pipeline easement behind our home. After a few passes we realized that we had made a pretty usable cross country ski trail. It wasn't as perfect as a groomed trail in the city parks but it was good enough, especially because it was just out our back gate. No fifteen minute drives and stuffing skis into the car to get there. In fact, it was incredible.

We built something that we enjoyed and had all to ourselves. It was there to use anytime we wanted. That was a tremendous feeling for our whole family. It was like our very own winter amusement park. The kids were happy, my wife was giddy, and I had figured out a way to stay active and have fun all winter.

We've often lamented how our home is many busy city streets away from bike trails but it makes up for it by having this winter wonderland right at our doorstep.

Letting Go

So I began skiing by loading up the car and taking a fifteen minute drive to an unfamiliar park. Then, suddenly, I was doing it out my back gate. No drives, no loading and we were never far from the water tap or the bathroom. We even started leaving our young kids at home alone on days they didn't want to come. We were always within earshot if they had a problem.

But sometimes they'd join us and we spend a weekend afternoon gliding down hills and making new trails. My son would produce maps of our current trails and copy them for the family. More often than not we'd spend an hour and a half or two hours at play. Other than cycling, there's no activity where I can let go and have fun like that--not realizing that I'm exercising. You wouldn't find me on a treadmill for two hours, or even going for a walk in the city for that long.

• Watch a video of my family skiing

A book on skiing that my wife brought home from the library advises you to let go and just play, the same approach a child would have. Children don't worry about technique they just have fun.

Letting go started to happen with me when I was out enjoying the fresh crystalline air with my family. (SO much better than a stuffy gym.) I'd just let go and play. I'd worry about what my next objective of fun was instead of thinking about how I was doing. Without realizing it, skiing got easier for me.

My Long Torso

But it's still a challenge. I'm still very overweight and I'm top-heavy because of that and because of the proportions of my legs and torso. Either I have short legs or a long torso. I like to think I have a long torso (I have to buy tall-sized shirts even though I'm barely 6'0".)

I was finding that when I bent my knees, as you do when you ski, my left knee was a bit wobbly. My legs were strong but just not in a specific skiing way. I approached my exercise counselor to help me address that shortcoming at the gym (two days a week at my clinic still.) I started using the vibration trainer. I basically maintained the ski stance on it and then I also incorporated balancing on one leg at a time. This quickly got me into the condition necessary to ski. This problem may be unique to me. Nevertheless, spending time skiing would have also strengthened my knees as well.

Fat People Don't Ski

I had a hard time finding out online if an overweight person can ski. There's hardly any mention of it on the internet. I certainly didn't see any overweight people skiing on the public trails. Everyone is tall and lanky, like competitive cyclists, it seems.

Ski shop staff didn't have answers on the weight issue. There's a scale you step on at the ski shops that resembles the Threat Alert system in the United States. It's basically got three colours that the needle goes to to tell you which skis to buy. Naturally, the needle went of the charts for me, implying that I was too fat to ski.

From what I gathered, they make skis for different weights (this is important to support you on the surface of the snow and to allow you to glide easily across it). The heaviest weights are up to around 200 pounds. Apparently, no one could possibly ski who's over 200 pounds. When I started, I was closer to 300 so don't let your weight stop you but I wouldn't use skiing as your first exercise because you'd risk not enjoying it. Most professionals advise to start with walking and move on to other activities you enjoy. For me, in the wintertime, it's definitely skiing.

Of course most people know skiing is a good exercise because it's gentle on your joints and it uses your upper body as well. I've actually had people gasp when I tell them I ski. "Why would you want to do all that work?" one person asked. Don't believe it. It's a myth. It's fun, not work. No one would do it if it were work. Runners don't run because it's work. They run because it feels really good to them. The sedentary often think of everything as work but it's not. The only work involved is in changing your attitude.

When I went to the ski swap in November, four months ago, I knew nothing about skiing other than what I could recall from grade five (basically how to turn was about it!) Now I'm familiar with the different kinds of bindings, wax and waxless skis and I'm a connoisseur of all the different kinds of snows that nature produces and how to wax my skis in different temperatures. It all just came to me because I enjoyed the activity so much.

Winter is Your Friend

Winter is four or five months long where I live. It's often more cold than snowy. People complain about winter endlessly here. Even many active people restrict themselves to indoor exercise. I've written extensively on how my attitude toward winter has changed. This affects more than the amount of fitness I can achieve in the winter, it affects my whole approach to life.

I'm no longer caged indoors. I've been out there on the coldest of days enjoying the fresh air without pain or suffering (other than that skiing in cold weather is more tedious because your skis don't slide easily.) People don't even want to drive to the gym on cold days but I've been able to enjoy all variations of winter weather and I've made many discoveries.

I'm more in tune with nature now. The vast, barren area behind my house is alive in winter. There's dozens of rabbits (who like to poop on my ski tracks and only on my ski tracks) as well as packs of coyotes who go shopping for the rabbits, I presume, and a crow who knows me by name. There's also snowmobilers who wreck my trails, but we've learned to live with each other. I've discovered that frigid cold howling winds will create snow drifts that are so hard I can walk on them even at my weight. I've learned that the natural world is still natural and inviting even on the most uninviting of cold winter days.

This year my family cheered when there was snow in the forecast. To the chagrin of my friends, for the first time in my life, I don't want winter to end.

Imagine that.

Now I have the unexpected challenge of trying to find a way to stay as active in the summer as I do in the winter!

Didn't see that coming.

Information

"Cross-country Skiing: Building Skills for Fun and Fitness"
by Steve Hindman  (2005)

The Regina Ski Club (Ski Swap is every November)

"The Jaw-Dropping Benefits of Cross-Country Skiing"
The Globe and Mail (News Article)

Two Years Ago I Was a Junkie Waiting for the End

Lest I forget.

I'm so immersed in what I'm doing and feeling good about it that I can seldom remember what things were like two years ago. But it's important that I do remember. It's one of the purposes of this blog.

It's been two years since I met with a nutritionist and agreed to start taking small steps to right the sinking ship that was me.

Today I cross-country skied with my wife for 90 minutes. It was fun and we didn't want to come in even though our bodies were spent. Two years ago I was just beginning to walk my daughter to the preschool around the corner. It took ten minutes each way and I was sweaty and exhausted when I got home. I spent the two and half hours that she was in school resting for the trip back. I hated winter. I hated having to walk her there. I hated that my body was so useless.

I was my body's bitch. It had total control over me. I had none over it.

Two years ago I was eating until my stomach hurt from being full. I was eating high calorie, high fat food that made me feel tired, irritable and unfulfilled.

Today I ate some of the foods that caused me so much trouble back then. I had nachos for supper and chocolate for dessert. But I did it in moderation.

I had mostly salsa instead of sour cream and I sprinkled the cheese sparsely on a plate of chips half the size of what I might have had in my previous life. I stopped eating when I was full, not when my stomach became uncomfortably stretched. When I encountered chocolate, I just had a small sample and enjoyed it instead of wondering how much of it I might have, how I could get the most possible, or if anyone was watching.

I haven't cured my eating problems, I've only begun the work, but I'm under control. Each day I gain more control and knowledge of what's going on with my eating. I'm practicing better eating habits until my mind and body finally accept the more appropriate ways of behaving.

Two years ago I was ashamed to be in public. Two years ago I had no inclination that I would ever be doing the things I now enjoy and thrive on: Cycling, jogging and cross-country skiing. Two years ago my kids barely had a father. Now they have a playmate and a dad.

Every once in a while I have a flashback. I remember not being able to climb the stairs in my house, how I used to use a shopping cart to hold myself up at the grocery store, or how I felt after using junk food as a meal.

I was a junky, eating things that made me sick and not being able to stop harming myself.

Exercise quickly helped me gain the strength to take control. It empowered me to take the reins of my disease. Far faster than the speed at which my waistline shrunk, I became more and more able-bodied.

I have years of hard work and learning ahead of me before I can claim any sort of long-term success but I'm enjoying the journey. And the way I now think about myself and my future couldn't be more different than it was two years ago.

Two years ago, I was disabled from a disease that isn't very well understood. It's complex and difficult to manage. What I do know absolutely and one hundred percent is that exercise is the fool-proof way to pin my menacing disease to the ground. Waiting for the count to ten to declare victory will take a very long time and it will present challenges that I have yet to imagine.

But I'm stronger than I've ever been in my life and I'm ready for whatever lies ahead.

To Weigh or Not to Weigh?

I don't weigh myself. I didn't when I gained all my weight over the last decade and I haven't on the way down, either. I get weighed when I get my body composition measured at the clinic several times a year but it's not something I'm concerned with at home.

I have read mention of several recent studies that say weighing yourself at least once a week is good for helping you lose weight or maintain weight loss. So why do I not weigh myself and what benefits might not weighing myself have?

For me, it's about learning a new lifestyle and retraining myelf. When I weigh myself and see poor results, I try harder to lose weight. But those efforts aren't lifestyle-changing because they're always temporary. I'm trying to learn what my body needs and what it doesn't. I'm gauging my unhelpful emotional responses to eating and episodes of over-eating as well.

Weighing in is distracting to the learning I'm trying to do about my physical self. Whatever I do to improve my health, I have to keep it up for the rest of my life. They say you have to do what you do to lose weight to maintain your weight loss because of the physiological differences a formerly-obese body has. The body will work against itself to try to revert to its highest weight.

Yet I know that if I did weigh myself, I wouldn't get off-track as much and I would have better, faster results. I'm getting impatient, trying to reach certain goals of having a smaller, more mobile body and I'm seriously considering ending my embargo of standing on a scale.

The last time I lost weight I was using the scale every day. A day that I didn't go down a half pound (or went up) was a bad day. Positive results equaled a positive day. Bad results made me eat even less that day and exercise a little more, when it was possible. I'm not sure I want that sort of life again, especially since my previous efforts were a colossal failure after I yo-yoed back up into an even bigger obese person than I was before.

Anything I did in the past with temporary success, I'm skeptical of now.

I'm overwhelmed by the number and complexity of things that cause me to eat poorly. Many of these habits are hard to change. They're ingrained in me from decades of practice. It'll take many years with lots of failures along the way to change them and relearn new behaviors.

I truly do have eating problems. They're part of my psyche and physiology. Fad diets and gimmicks won't change them. If anything will it will be years of sheer determination that alter my ingrained behaviors. That and the choice to be a lifelong athlete to make up for the way a formerly-obese body works against itself.

It's bloody hard but it may be the only choice I have. Failure would result in a poor quality of life, many health issues and a premature death.

The "Sedentary James" Solution to Winter: Buy a Hot Tub

I had the pleasure of visiting the mineral spa pool in Moose Jaw (a city nearby) the other night and had a realization when I was outside in the very cold air, bathing in the very hot water. I remembered that up until a year or two ago I wanted to buy a hot tub so that I could get outside in winter and not be couped up for five months a year. The idea seems patently absurd to me now.

My former plan illustrates the frame of mind an obese person is in. Granted, many healthy people fear winter too and stay indoors. But I'm here to tell you how my attitude has fundamentally changed. Thin or fat, we should all be active, and if we live in cold climates like I do, the weather shouldn't be an excuse to be confined indoors like a caged animal all winter.

The turning point for me was on my wife's birthday, nearly one year ago. It was the coldest night of the year but I ventured into it and managed to stay warm. I've gone on about that night a lot, but it actually did change my life.

Today, I'm outside being active every day no matter what the weather. And I'm not in any discomfort when I'm doing it. It's making me want more winter, not less. I'm having fun while I'm experiencing the most active winter of my life since, maybe forever. Even as a kid in the 1970s I had my limits on going outside in cold weather. But I don't now, thanks to the knowledge of how to dress.

I dress in layers, but the items I can't live without are a balaclava that covers my whole mouth and nose (with a breathing screen), good gloves and good socks. Everything else is just layering whatever you have with a wind-stopping outer layer.

How I've Completely Changed My View on Winter

Courtesy the Internet

Like most people, I've often complained about winter being too long on the Canadian prairies. I may have even agreed with other people saying, "Well, maybe we could have one month of it at Christmas, just for variety." No one likes scraping ice off their car in the mornings and slipping on sidewalks, but I've changed my negative thinking on the subject of winter.

There's no question I froze my face and my legs some days walking to school when I was a kid. Winter could be painful and miserable. There were, however, some magical moments I can remember. I'm not talking about snowball fights or playing hockey at the local outdoor rink. I'm thinking about really harsh winter nights that I decided to venture outside out of sheer boredom.

I remember the utter quiet of it all. The fresh snow absorbing what little movement there was outside on those cold nights, or a howling wind whipping through power lines and creating a certain haunting feeling inside of me. The worse it was, the more alone you were in it. There's something about the winter landscape that's welcoming. It's like we humans were meant to exist here. It's not unnatural at all.

Decades of sedentary adult life have faded those rich memories and the feelings that accompanied them. Only now have they started to reappear as I try so hard to use winter to my health's advantage.

The other night my son and I embarked on a short trek away from the car to see if a bicycle bridge had been constructed before winter set in (he's has an unnatural interest in new roadways and related construction.) It was a Saturday night that was cool and windy with fresh snow blowing around. We walked away from the safety of the street lights and behind the houses onto the bike path that I had discovered only this summer.

It was beautiful in summer with lots of mature trees and a serene landscape that reminded me of a provincial park. When the leaves fall off the trees in September and everything is brown around here, I stop enjoying nature. But what I discovered that night was that once the snow comes, everything is beautiful again.

In the city even a moonless night can provide for a bright landscape in its darkest corners when there's snow everywhere. The green fir trees stood in stark contrast to the white waves of virgin snow around the familiar paved pathway.

Everything is quiet and peaceful in winter. Every movement and sound is amplified. The stars are brightest in the dry winter air. The cosmos is so vivid in winter it feels like it's painted onto the heavens just for you, almost within arm's reach.

We found the bridge. It was in fact there, but abandoned before completion when the snow and cold temps set in.

The field behind my house has the same beauty to it on a winter's night. Previous to now, I wouldn't have dreamed about venturing out there in winter. The idea never even crossed my mind. In spite of being surrounded by houses, the snow-covered field remains quiet and the sky brightly detailed. When the moon comes out and lights up the snow, it's feels almost like daytime.

My epic walk in -45 degree windchills last year also had me thinking about winter's beauty. In spite of the fury and the supposed danger all around me, I enjoyed the crisp fresh air and the serenity. It's not like anyone else was out there.

Now that I'm learning to love cross country skiing (can't get enough of it but I have a ways to go to master it well) I find myself having a completely opposite view on winter.

The other day I caught myself thinking, "Why is winter so short? It's only 3 good months of snow, why can't it be more?"

If I could only figure out a way to enjoy the "brown" seasons, those weeks of cold weather without snow or foliage, life would be perfect.

How This Fat Guy's House Has Changed in Two Years

It drives my wife crazy. They're everywhere in our house. You can't swing a cat with out hitting one. My house is cluttered with items used in the support of an active lifestyle.

The winter of two years ago was different. The house was much less cluttered by comparison. There were a pair of gloves, a toque and a standard winter jacket. That's all I needed. My big endeavors were to go to the grocery store. Maybe do a little fast food eating in the minivan. The rest of the time was spent on the couch or in bed, sore from a high-fat diet and jellified muscles carrying a ridiculous amount of weight.

Walk in my front door with me now, will you? I'll give you the tour.

The front porch is heavy with indications that I'm no longer sedentary. You'll notice two sets of cross country skis. I only started a week ago and I'm already on my second set. Picked up some waxless skis yesterday that are easier to use. Cost me $20.

Your eyes will no doubt dart towards the snow sleds sitting by the front closet. I have three, one for each particular sledding condition. My latest is soft to keep my spine from compressing and has a fin to guide it true.

On the floor you'll see winter boots for the first time in decades. I need these for tobogganing and winter hikes. A cheap pair of runners is dedicated to icy conditions. They have metal cleats strapped to the bottoms. Can't let ice keep me indoors.

Inside the closet you'll find drawers with not one, but three, sports balaclavas. Each for a different temperature range. Beyond that, there's an assortment of toques, beanies and skull caps for cycling or winter exercise. On the floor, runners for jogging, complete with orthopedic inserts that finally provide relief to my calves during vigorous exercise. And be careful of the freshly sharpened ice skates. They're waiting for December.

You'll have to forgive me for the bike wheel by the front door, I don't know where else to put it right now.

The open stairs as you enter the house are littered with Jameswear. Three sizes of fleece jackets, made for a man who sweats, all of which can be layered if necessary. There's T-Max Heat socks ready to go for cold days, long underwear (which I haven't used since I was a kid), ski pants for very cold weather, and layers of sweat pants for cooler weather. A heart rate monitor and watch sit at the ready, along with my iPod and headphones. Athletic shorts and shirts for the gym are also all over the place. All these clothes are at the ready. Every day some of them get used in the pursuit of fitness.

Which leads me to something else we have a lot more of: Laundry detergent. I'm washing a lot more clothes. Usually there's a fresh pile of clothes soaked with sweat that gets cleaned almost daily. Two winters ago, I rarely worked up enough heat to require clothes to be washed on a regular basis. Now, the washing machine is running constantly.

Entering the kitchen, there's a serving cart that couldn't be more full of bike helmets, sweat bands, cycling gloves, hydration back packs, water bottles and a few cycling tools and bike spare parts.

In the laundry room, more skis for the family, and a bike rack for the car.

The shed had bikes in it two years ago. Now it has twice as many. I picked up bikes on UsedRegina and at garage sales for me or the kids.

Our home and our life is hardly recognizable from two years ago. Thank god!

Eureka Moments in Sports: A Personal Story

My son struggles with a slippery hill on his first day but he did great.

It happened again: that moment when I knew I had mastered an athletic endeavor for the first time. I don't know many greater feelings after years of being sedentary and semi-disabled. Today, following several days of struggling, cross-country skiing finally clicked. I realized, I could--and will--do it.

It was a fantastic feeling, one that snuck on me and bit me in the ass.

In eighteen months these moments have come every now and again and put tremendous wind in my sails on this journey to change the course of my life.

It came when I suddenly got strong with walking, when I took my first bike ride in years, fell down and got up again, when I started to jog for several minutes at a time, and when I suddenly found myself jogging for twenty minutes. It even came when I realized I could go for a walk on a dangerously cold night and be perfectly warm. And it came this summer when I discovered mountain biking in a moment where I realized I loved it and I could do it. It was a new kind of fun for my long-time favourite activity: cycling.

They're moments of joy because I'm having a lot of fun when they happen. They're moments that open up a big can of hope because I can see my future ahead of me looking bright and the activity I've just conquered being a part of my success.

Today I took my son out to a city park several kilometers away from home where there was a groomed ski trail. It was his first time on skis and I did my best to impart to him what I had learned some 35 years ago when I was only one year older than him. I tried to teach him the basics of cross-country skiing that I had learned at school in grade five.

We headed out onto the groomed track and, unlike out in the field behind my house where I made my own tracks, everything began to work as it should after about 100 metres. Suddenly, I found myself gliding and kicking along as I should until my heart got pumping.

The hills are another story. That'll take some practice. I fell over, to my son's delight, going down a hill. But that's a good thing. When you're tentative about something, it's good to wipe out so you know you're not going to die or break anything if you do. From then on you can be more relaxed. And I was.

I look forward to continuing to get competent at cross-country skiing with the old used equipment I have and one day venturing out onto a groomed country trail to take in some nature with my son. I might even scrape up some money for a lesson one day. It's kind of a winter replacement for cycling (and it's even done in some of the same places.)

What's next? Maybe winter cycling. My son is trying to talk me into it. Stay tuned.

For now, I'd like to give a shout out to my nutritionist who suggested cross-country skiing to me a year ago as a way to stay active during the winter. And my thanks to the Regina Ski Club for grooming the trails and providing this opportunity for me. Skiers we've encountered have all been very kind and encouraging.

• Regina ski trails maps and current conditions

Note: The Regina Ski Club puts on a ski swap in early November every year. Used sporting goods stores also have ski equipment.

Strategies for Staying Active in the Winter

Mount Pleasant toboggan hill, Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada

I'm eighteen months or so into my new life as a healthy human being. It started with short walks and eventually took me places I thought I'd never go. In fact, there's so many things I've surprised myself by doing, I now refuse to rule anything out when I imagine my future. 

My second summer of fitness was a very active one. I took up mountain biking and cycled on hills and valleys for long periods of time (for an obese person). My fitness level was surprisingly improved when I returned to the gym in the fall. But I hated not being outdoors. I hated not having a sport to pursue when the leaves started to fall off the trees and it got cold outside.

I welcomed the snow when it finally came last week (in mid-November.) It gave me an opportunity to go tobogganing and even to try something new: cross-country--or "Nordic", as the kids call it nowadays--skiing. I hit the annual ski swap and outfitted myself and my son.

I discovered two pair of skis in my shed that I had recently wanted to get rid of. The idea of me ever using them seemed patently absurd. But like the encouraging man at the ski swap said, "There  ain't no mosquitoes in the winter time."

I created a ski trail outside my back yard in an adjacent field so I can practice (I took lessons in grade five and loved it) but it's coming really slowly to me. I'm fit enough to do it, it's just that I'm having problems with technique. I can't really get going. Mostly, I'm walking on my skis and just trying to keep upright.

My ski trail got messed up by contractors installing residential fiber optics.

I also bought a pair of ice skates. There's a speed skating oval near me that I would love to skate on. But it's been a long time and my body doesn't bend or repair like it used to.

Of all the things I've done to improve my fitness, nothing kicks my ass like slogging my heavy body up the large toboggan hill over and over again for an hour or two with my kids. I show up at the gym afterwards and my heart has grown to be as big as a basketball. Everything else I do is easier.  My heart and lungs work even more effortlessly than before. In other words, tobogganing really improves my fitness--like nothing else I've tried so far.

I now look forward to winter. It's the "in-between" non-cycling, non-winter sports seasons I dread.