To Weigh or Not to Weigh?

I don't weigh myself. I didn't when I gained all my weight over the last decade and I haven't on the way down, either. I get weighed when I get my body composition measured at the clinic several times a year but it's not something I'm concerned with at home.

I have read mention of several recent studies that say weighing yourself at least once a week is good for helping you lose weight or maintain weight loss. So why do I not weigh myself and what benefits might not weighing myself have?

For me, it's about learning a new lifestyle and retraining myelf. When I weigh myself and see poor results, I try harder to lose weight. But those efforts aren't lifestyle-changing because they're always temporary. I'm trying to learn what my body needs and what it doesn't. I'm gauging my unhelpful emotional responses to eating and episodes of over-eating as well.

Weighing in is distracting to the learning I'm trying to do about my physical self. Whatever I do to improve my health, I have to keep it up for the rest of my life. They say you have to do what you do to lose weight to maintain your weight loss because of the physiological differences a formerly-obese body has. The body will work against itself to try to revert to its highest weight.

Yet I know that if I did weigh myself, I wouldn't get off-track as much and I would have better, faster results. I'm getting impatient, trying to reach certain goals of having a smaller, more mobile body and I'm seriously considering ending my embargo of standing on a scale.

The last time I lost weight I was using the scale every day. A day that I didn't go down a half pound (or went up) was a bad day. Positive results equaled a positive day. Bad results made me eat even less that day and exercise a little more, when it was possible. I'm not sure I want that sort of life again, especially since my previous efforts were a colossal failure after I yo-yoed back up into an even bigger obese person than I was before.

Anything I did in the past with temporary success, I'm skeptical of now.

I'm overwhelmed by the number and complexity of things that cause me to eat poorly. Many of these habits are hard to change. They're ingrained in me from decades of practice. It'll take many years with lots of failures along the way to change them and relearn new behaviors.

I truly do have eating problems. They're part of my psyche and physiology. Fad diets and gimmicks won't change them. If anything will it will be years of sheer determination that alter my ingrained behaviors. That and the choice to be a lifelong athlete to make up for the way a formerly-obese body works against itself.

It's bloody hard but it may be the only choice I have. Failure would result in a poor quality of life, many health issues and a premature death.

The "Sedentary James" Solution to Winter: Buy a Hot Tub

I had the pleasure of visiting the mineral spa pool in Moose Jaw (a city nearby) the other night and had a realization when I was outside in the very cold air, bathing in the very hot water. I remembered that up until a year or two ago I wanted to buy a hot tub so that I could get outside in winter and not be couped up for five months a year. The idea seems patently absurd to me now.

My former plan illustrates the frame of mind an obese person is in. Granted, many healthy people fear winter too and stay indoors. But I'm here to tell you how my attitude has fundamentally changed. Thin or fat, we should all be active, and if we live in cold climates like I do, the weather shouldn't be an excuse to be confined indoors like a caged animal all winter.

The turning point for me was on my wife's birthday, nearly one year ago. It was the coldest night of the year but I ventured into it and managed to stay warm. I've gone on about that night a lot, but it actually did change my life.

Today, I'm outside being active every day no matter what the weather. And I'm not in any discomfort when I'm doing it. It's making me want more winter, not less. I'm having fun while I'm experiencing the most active winter of my life since, maybe forever. Even as a kid in the 1970s I had my limits on going outside in cold weather. But I don't now, thanks to the knowledge of how to dress.

I dress in layers, but the items I can't live without are a balaclava that covers my whole mouth and nose (with a breathing screen), good gloves and good socks. Everything else is just layering whatever you have with a wind-stopping outer layer.

How I've Completely Changed My View on Winter

Courtesy the Internet

Like most people, I've often complained about winter being too long on the Canadian prairies. I may have even agreed with other people saying, "Well, maybe we could have one month of it at Christmas, just for variety." No one likes scraping ice off their car in the mornings and slipping on sidewalks, but I've changed my negative thinking on the subject of winter.

There's no question I froze my face and my legs some days walking to school when I was a kid. Winter could be painful and miserable. There were, however, some magical moments I can remember. I'm not talking about snowball fights or playing hockey at the local outdoor rink. I'm thinking about really harsh winter nights that I decided to venture outside out of sheer boredom.

I remember the utter quiet of it all. The fresh snow absorbing what little movement there was outside on those cold nights, or a howling wind whipping through power lines and creating a certain haunting feeling inside of me. The worse it was, the more alone you were in it. There's something about the winter landscape that's welcoming. It's like we humans were meant to exist here. It's not unnatural at all.

Decades of sedentary adult life have faded those rich memories and the feelings that accompanied them. Only now have they started to reappear as I try so hard to use winter to my health's advantage.

The other night my son and I embarked on a short trek away from the car to see if a bicycle bridge had been constructed before winter set in (he's has an unnatural interest in new roadways and related construction.) It was a Saturday night that was cool and windy with fresh snow blowing around. We walked away from the safety of the street lights and behind the houses onto the bike path that I had discovered only this summer.

It was beautiful in summer with lots of mature trees and a serene landscape that reminded me of a provincial park. When the leaves fall off the trees in September and everything is brown around here, I stop enjoying nature. But what I discovered that night was that once the snow comes, everything is beautiful again.

In the city even a moonless night can provide for a bright landscape in its darkest corners when there's snow everywhere. The green fir trees stood in stark contrast to the white waves of virgin snow around the familiar paved pathway.

Everything is quiet and peaceful in winter. Every movement and sound is amplified. The stars are brightest in the dry winter air. The cosmos is so vivid in winter it feels like it's painted onto the heavens just for you, almost within arm's reach.

We found the bridge. It was in fact there, but abandoned before completion when the snow and cold temps set in.

The field behind my house has the same beauty to it on a winter's night. Previous to now, I wouldn't have dreamed about venturing out there in winter. The idea never even crossed my mind. In spite of being surrounded by houses, the snow-covered field remains quiet and the sky brightly detailed. When the moon comes out and lights up the snow, it's feels almost like daytime.

My epic walk in -45 degree windchills last year also had me thinking about winter's beauty. In spite of the fury and the supposed danger all around me, I enjoyed the crisp fresh air and the serenity. It's not like anyone else was out there.

Now that I'm learning to love cross country skiing (can't get enough of it but I have a ways to go to master it well) I find myself having a completely opposite view on winter.

The other day I caught myself thinking, "Why is winter so short? It's only 3 good months of snow, why can't it be more?"

If I could only figure out a way to enjoy the "brown" seasons, those weeks of cold weather without snow or foliage, life would be perfect.

How This Fat Guy's House Has Changed in Two Years

It drives my wife crazy. They're everywhere in our house. You can't swing a cat with out hitting one. My house is cluttered with items used in the support of an active lifestyle.

The winter of two years ago was different. The house was much less cluttered by comparison. There were a pair of gloves, a toque and a standard winter jacket. That's all I needed. My big endeavors were to go to the grocery store. Maybe do a little fast food eating in the minivan. The rest of the time was spent on the couch or in bed, sore from a high-fat diet and jellified muscles carrying a ridiculous amount of weight.

Walk in my front door with me now, will you? I'll give you the tour.

The front porch is heavy with indications that I'm no longer sedentary. You'll notice two sets of cross country skis. I only started a week ago and I'm already on my second set. Picked up some waxless skis yesterday that are easier to use. Cost me $20.

Your eyes will no doubt dart towards the snow sleds sitting by the front closet. I have three, one for each particular sledding condition. My latest is soft to keep my spine from compressing and has a fin to guide it true.

On the floor you'll see winter boots for the first time in decades. I need these for tobogganing and winter hikes. A cheap pair of runners is dedicated to icy conditions. They have metal cleats strapped to the bottoms. Can't let ice keep me indoors.

Inside the closet you'll find drawers with not one, but three, sports balaclavas. Each for a different temperature range. Beyond that, there's an assortment of toques, beanies and skull caps for cycling or winter exercise. On the floor, runners for jogging, complete with orthopedic inserts that finally provide relief to my calves during vigorous exercise. And be careful of the freshly sharpened ice skates. They're waiting for December.

You'll have to forgive me for the bike wheel by the front door, I don't know where else to put it right now.

The open stairs as you enter the house are littered with Jameswear. Three sizes of fleece jackets, made for a man who sweats, all of which can be layered if necessary. There's T-Max Heat socks ready to go for cold days, long underwear (which I haven't used since I was a kid), ski pants for very cold weather, and layers of sweat pants for cooler weather. A heart rate monitor and watch sit at the ready, along with my iPod and headphones. Athletic shorts and shirts for the gym are also all over the place. All these clothes are at the ready. Every day some of them get used in the pursuit of fitness.

Which leads me to something else we have a lot more of: Laundry detergent. I'm washing a lot more clothes. Usually there's a fresh pile of clothes soaked with sweat that gets cleaned almost daily. Two winters ago, I rarely worked up enough heat to require clothes to be washed on a regular basis. Now, the washing machine is running constantly.

Entering the kitchen, there's a serving cart that couldn't be more full of bike helmets, sweat bands, cycling gloves, hydration back packs, water bottles and a few cycling tools and bike spare parts.

In the laundry room, more skis for the family, and a bike rack for the car.

The shed had bikes in it two years ago. Now it has twice as many. I picked up bikes on UsedRegina and at garage sales for me or the kids.

Our home and our life is hardly recognizable from two years ago. Thank god!

Eureka Moments in Sports: A Personal Story

My son struggles with a slippery hill on his first day but he did great.

It happened again: that moment when I knew I had mastered an athletic endeavor for the first time. I don't know many greater feelings after years of being sedentary and semi-disabled. Today, following several days of struggling, cross-country skiing finally clicked. I realized, I could--and will--do it.

It was a fantastic feeling, one that snuck on me and bit me in the ass.

In eighteen months these moments have come every now and again and put tremendous wind in my sails on this journey to change the course of my life.

It came when I suddenly got strong with walking, when I took my first bike ride in years, fell down and got up again, when I started to jog for several minutes at a time, and when I suddenly found myself jogging for twenty minutes. It even came when I realized I could go for a walk on a dangerously cold night and be perfectly warm. And it came this summer when I discovered mountain biking in a moment where I realized I loved it and I could do it. It was a new kind of fun for my long-time favourite activity: cycling.

They're moments of joy because I'm having a lot of fun when they happen. They're moments that open up a big can of hope because I can see my future ahead of me looking bright and the activity I've just conquered being a part of my success.

Today I took my son out to a city park several kilometers away from home where there was a groomed ski trail. It was his first time on skis and I did my best to impart to him what I had learned some 35 years ago when I was only one year older than him. I tried to teach him the basics of cross-country skiing that I had learned at school in grade five.

We headed out onto the groomed track and, unlike out in the field behind my house where I made my own tracks, everything began to work as it should after about 100 metres. Suddenly, I found myself gliding and kicking along as I should until my heart got pumping.

The hills are another story. That'll take some practice. I fell over, to my son's delight, going down a hill. But that's a good thing. When you're tentative about something, it's good to wipe out so you know you're not going to die or break anything if you do. From then on you can be more relaxed. And I was.

I look forward to continuing to get competent at cross-country skiing with the old used equipment I have and one day venturing out onto a groomed country trail to take in some nature with my son. I might even scrape up some money for a lesson one day. It's kind of a winter replacement for cycling (and it's even done in some of the same places.)

What's next? Maybe winter cycling. My son is trying to talk me into it. Stay tuned.

For now, I'd like to give a shout out to my nutritionist who suggested cross-country skiing to me a year ago as a way to stay active during the winter. And my thanks to the Regina Ski Club for grooming the trails and providing this opportunity for me. Skiers we've encountered have all been very kind and encouraging.

• Regina ski trails maps and current conditions

Note: The Regina Ski Club puts on a ski swap in early November every year. Used sporting goods stores also have ski equipment.

Strategies for Staying Active in the Winter

Mount Pleasant toboggan hill, Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada

I'm eighteen months or so into my new life as a healthy human being. It started with short walks and eventually took me places I thought I'd never go. In fact, there's so many things I've surprised myself by doing, I now refuse to rule anything out when I imagine my future. 

My second summer of fitness was a very active one. I took up mountain biking and cycled on hills and valleys for long periods of time (for an obese person). My fitness level was surprisingly improved when I returned to the gym in the fall. But I hated not being outdoors. I hated not having a sport to pursue when the leaves started to fall off the trees and it got cold outside.

I welcomed the snow when it finally came last week (in mid-November.) It gave me an opportunity to go tobogganing and even to try something new: cross-country--or "Nordic", as the kids call it nowadays--skiing. I hit the annual ski swap and outfitted myself and my son.

I discovered two pair of skis in my shed that I had recently wanted to get rid of. The idea of me ever using them seemed patently absurd. But like the encouraging man at the ski swap said, "There  ain't no mosquitoes in the winter time."

I created a ski trail outside my back yard in an adjacent field so I can practice (I took lessons in grade five and loved it) but it's coming really slowly to me. I'm fit enough to do it, it's just that I'm having problems with technique. I can't really get going. Mostly, I'm walking on my skis and just trying to keep upright.

My ski trail got messed up by contractors installing residential fiber optics.

I also bought a pair of ice skates. There's a speed skating oval near me that I would love to skate on. But it's been a long time and my body doesn't bend or repair like it used to.

Of all the things I've done to improve my fitness, nothing kicks my ass like slogging my heavy body up the large toboggan hill over and over again for an hour or two with my kids. I show up at the gym afterwards and my heart has grown to be as big as a basketball. Everything else I do is easier.  My heart and lungs work even more effortlessly than before. In other words, tobogganing really improves my fitness--like nothing else I've tried so far.

I now look forward to winter. It's the "in-between" non-cycling, non-winter sports seasons I dread.

Reese Half-Pound Peanut Butter Cup and Other Walmart Autrocities

Avert your eyes, dieters! (Photo: The Internet)

I noticed these yesterday during a frantic trip through the calorie-laden landmines of Walmart. It's the half-pound Reese Peanut Butter Cup, the food fantasy of fat kids everywhere.

Good news, though, as it only has 190 calories and 11 grams of fat per serving. Bad news: one of these monster peanut butter cups is six servings. Like I would EVER eat one sixth of any peanut butter cup, no matter how humungus!

On the corners of every aisle at Walmart are bags of chocolate candy for a very low price. Calorically speaking, it's easy to get a fix with little money. And easy to overdose, something I've done a lot in my day and something I'm trying to learn how to avoid.

My strategy: To not think of the first, endorphin-releasing bite of such snacks but to instead think of my last bite (after I've consumed the 2000 calories.) That's when I feel sick physically and am filled with regret. Avoiding such pitfalls is not an easy thing to do but imagining the end result instead of the initial benefit is a tactic that is part of my obesity-fighting arsenal.

Other food landmines at Walmart include boxes of doughnuts for $1.00. Less if they're on clearance, which they are every day. In the outside world, you can't buy a single dougnut for 70 cents, but at Walmart you can get a whole box.

I'm economically challenged so I shop there, but there are a whole lot of ethical reasons why I wouldn't if I could afford to. However, I have been impressed from time to time at some of the environmental efforts Walmart makes to improve their image as well as their bottom line.

I just wish one day they'd tackle all the temptations they are happy to display in every corner of their stores that affect our health when we give in to the temptation. The more economically-challenged you are, the more likely you're going spend your money on the cheapest, unhealthiest foods.

The 2XL Shirt at the End of the Rainbow

A 5XL Shirt (courtesy the Internet)

Oh, the lofty goal of "2XL." Why is 2XL significant to the severely overweight male? It's because you can walk into most stores these days and buy that size off the shelf. You would shop like, you know, a normal person would shop.

With each X comes two clothing sizes, or 4 inches on the chest usually. I had got up to 5XL a year and a half ago and I was running out of Xs. Even the Big 'n' Fat stores didn't sell beyond 5XL, at least not in my city. Some U.S. stores online go beyond that. I always was a bit surprised by that since it was so easy to get to 5XL, but then I wondered if people just didn't die off anyway before they outgrew that size.

People, including medical professionals, ask me the big question: What was it that got you to finally do something? That's the million dollar question, isn't it? Running out of Xs was one of the reasons, I suppose. That and getting to a point where I was gaining weight and doing less. Part of a viscous cycle where I lost all control, even when I tried. I saw a downward spiral that would end badly.

My crazy dream was to fit into a 2XL shirt one day. I could walk into a store one day and pick out a shirt I liked then select something from the back of the rack with two Xs on it. 2XL seems SO tiny, so everyday, so...healthy. So much a bloody fantasy.

Well I'm here. I arrived earlier this month. And it's not what it I expected. I'm still huge. The fact is, 2XL is still very big. Being 2XL is by no means a healthy size. I was mad at retailers for not catering to the large, but they do. 2XL is for very overweight people. Most men don't go beyond 2XL.

I know clothing sizes are becoming larger as our population as a whole gains weight, but I was still surprised that my current size fits into most 2XL tops. There are a lot of people who haven't even noticed I've lost any weight at all. I'm pretty sure I've lost at least 100 pounds of fat (I've gained a tremendous amount of muscle just from moving my body so my overall weight may not quite be down by 100 pounds yet, but my size certainly is.)

I've had relatives say, "You should probably lose some weight." Um, are you blind? Is a person so large at 5XL that one hundred pounds of fat is not noticeable?

A year ago, when my exercise counselor at the time cautioned me that the human body will work against me to gain weight back and wanted me to temper my weight loss goals, I told her that I didn't want to be thin like so many overweight people do. I told her I wanted to be 2XL; I wanted to just be healthy. I had little vanity in my goals since I was happily married with kids and not planning an affair.

But now I must revise my goals. 2XL is just a point on the journey. It's nice to buy "regular clothes" and feel like you're more a part of society, but it's still way too big. Although the good feelings of going from 5XL to 2XL are indescribable and many, my motivation now is to lose weight so I can do more.

I've had a lot of fun and really started to live my life since I got in shape. But I want more. I don't want the weight of excess body fat to hold me back. As my son--my partner in adventure--gets into his tweens now, he's doing more and I want to keep up to him.

But at least now, I can stop worrying about the letter X.