It's Not Your Stomach That's Fat, It's Your Mind: A List of Things I Thought I Couldn't Do But Did

I've pushed well past 100 pounds lost and could probably lose another 75 but it's been ages since I've felt overweight.

I'm a quarter decade into to my reclaiming of me and I achieved yet another goal, one that I barely even dreamed of achieving because it seemed so far-fetched. It's got me to thinking about all the things I thought I couldn't do but did, one by one over the last two and a half years.

Regular readers know that I believe obesity has more to do with one's mind rather than one's body. I'm sure everyone who has a severe weight problem is different but my experience has been one of finding out just how messed up my mind got. The fat person's mind develops an attitude of "I can't."

Why do people seldom take action on their weight? I think it's because they gradually change their thought process on the issue. How is it we never do anything even when we're faced with possible death? Could it be because it's like raising a loaded gun to our heads in super-slow motion over time? One millimetre per day over the course of years until we just start to ignore the gun we're raising to our heads?

Here is the list of "I can't dos" that I've knocked off through the course of my life-changing journey, in chronological order:

1. At 380 pounds, after many failures, I thought I couldn't lose weight again. I'm now in the mid-two-hundreds and feel like I'm 18.
2. I thought I could never go tobogganing with my kids. Wrong.
3. I thought my body wouldn't respond to exercise in middle-age. As long as you're alive, it responds at any age.
4. I thought I could never walk longer than fifteen minutes. I've gone on two hour hikes in the mountains.
5. I thought I could never get on a bicycle again. I've ridden hundreds and hundreds of kilometres. It's always been my favourite activity and I'm doing it again.
6. I thought I could never jog. I started jogging and soon got up to fifteen minutes and stayed there for two years because I thought I couldn't go any longer.
7. I thought mountain biking was for young people because the hills--the hills are deadly, aren't they? I trained for a mountain biking race and completed the course successfully dozens of times.
8. I thought I could never do strength training because it was too hard and not for me. I started this summer and I feel even better about myself than I did with just cardio.
9. I thought my fat body could never cross country ski. I must have skied more than a hundred kilometres last winter and had a fun winter doing it.
10. I thought I couldn't exercise outside in cold weather. I've exercised in the coldest weather and not been cold because I learned how to dress.
11. After thinking I couldn't jog longer than fifteen minutes, I bumped it up to twenty last summer. How crazy is this, I thought. Then I had a bad day and bumped it up to thirty to make myself feel better about a new achievement. Even crazier, I thought, surely the longest I'm capable of doing.

My latest achievement has been running my first 5K, then I did it again two days later. That's 50 minutes at my pace. My knees are fine, everything's fine. I'm dong it outside, not on a treadmill. Even after all the things I thought I couldn't do but proved myself wrong by doing them, I still thought I couldn't do this. Not until I just decided to do it one day. Then, and only then, did I realize it was possible. 

It's hard to change a broken mind. But whatever you think you can't do physically, question that thought and know that you'll never stop thinking you can't do something until you actually just go out and do it. Proving yourself wrong is so liberating! It's the only way the fat mind will believe.

You're worth getting off the couch and moving for. Don't listen to that voice in your head. S/he is dead wrong.

Moving Into A New Era In My Fitness Life

It's been a while since I updated this page so I thought I'd give a brief update.

I've continued to progress with exercise, getting fitter and stronger slowly, just as the weight continues to go down gradually. I'm eating better and better while not feeling hungry or deprived.

I feel better than I have since I was a teenager, all thanks to my fitness from various forms of aerobic exercise. I'm turning 47 at the end of the month. For me to feel like I did when I was eighteen, is a tremendous thing. And it couldn't be further from being bedridden and sickly, as I was a quarter decade ago when I embarked on this journey to change.

I feel like a normal person, in spite of still being a large person. There's nothing I think twice about, nothing everyday I doubt I can do physically. There was a time 2.5 years ago when I questioned my ability to get up and eat supper. I thought my life was behind me, not in front of me as it is now.

I just got back from a half hour jog with my nine year old son. In a few more minutes, I will have forgotten that I jogged today because I won't feel it. Yesterday I went on a 30 kilometre ride with both my kids (5 and 9) and my wife. Life is good, better than I ever imagined it could be from getting off my ass and moving my body.

This summer I realized a career dream. I had the lead role in a low budget indie feature film. It was the role I'd had been waiting my whole life for. This wouldn't have been possible if I had not transformed myself through exercise and better nutrition.

My endurance is remarkable. One night during the filming I didn't sleep a wink (due to caffeine and stress). Being an actor means having to be fresh and focused on your character and your next scene. We shot outside on a hot day without any amenities and I survived remarkably well. The old me wouldn't have lasted an hour. It was a shining example of how far I've come and the opportunities that have opened up for me because I reclaimed my health.

I've begun strength training and although I don't enjoy it that much, I am feeling the benefits of it. This is the next chapter in my story. I'm going to go really hard this winter and see how far I can go.

One Year of Mountain Biking

Almost exactly one year ago I pieced together my first mountain bike and tried it out around the 'hood.

Tonight I walked to the local park  that is the former landfill where I toboggan with the kids in the winter and I had a flashback to those first days of having that bike. I remember trying it "off road" on level grass and I hated it. It was so slow and my arms hurt from holding up my body. It was tedious and a huge effort to do virtually nothing. In the background, stood the big hill which I only recently was able to walk up at the time. To think that I could ride that same bike UP that hill, repeatedly, and not think for a second about arm strain or other fatigue is startling to me. 

And it's a stark reminder of how I wasn't always like I am today, this week. I so easily forget the way things were. I'm thinking maybe putting pictures on the wall as a constant reminder. 

Celebrating 2 Years Back on a Bicycle and Entering a New Phase in Fitness

(I took this picture. This'll be me one day soon.)

Aside from playing unorganized sports with my friends as a kid, I've never really pushed myself physically. A lot of obese people I know just haven't ever gone down that road. During my first weight loss and exercise kick in my late twenties, I monitored my fitness through heart rate with the intention of burning the most fat and losing the most weight. That meant moderate exercise as per the conventional thinking at the time, twenty years ago.

There are overweight people who train for marathons, half-marathons, triathlons and mini-triathlons. You hear about them from time to time. I saw photos from the local mini-tri held last month and I was inspired to see lots of overweight people giving it their all, no doubt training for weeks or months for that day. They look fit and healthy but I sensed they were using the event as a fitness goal to battle their own demons with excessive weight. Even after all I've been through and learned, I'm still taken aback when I realize what the obese person's body is capable of through exercise.

I see it this time of year on ABC's Extreme Weight Loss. Those shows are like AA meetings for me. I see myself in others, not just physically, but more importantly, how they think. I see so much of my old self, especially the dysfunctional thinking and rigidity mixed with fear that people with severe weight problems seem to have. It's a reminder to stay strong and not retreat to my old ways. I know those TV shows can be controversial, but they do have a way of being therapeutic and inspiring when you see what's possible through exercise. Hopefully these shows inspire people to make positive changes to their lifestyle.

Two years ago this week I very nervously went biking with my son. I wasn't sure if I was ready or if I should wait another year to get in better shape and lose some tonnage. The whole expedition was intimidating. I struggled with biking and had to stop to rest every few minutes. I became dizzy from exertion and even crashed when my wheel slipped on some sand. When I realized I wasn't hurt, it was one of the greatest feelings I had had in a long time. Crashing was the best thing that could have happened to me that day. I felt like a kid again and I wanted to feel like that some more.

Now I'm training for a mountain biking race. The date is not firm because they take place every week. But I'm getting close to completing the race course without stopping to let my heart catch up. Very close. My heart is racing to 100% and each week I feel better when that happens. I'm getting clearer-headed at the top of the hills as I prepare to rocket down them. It's a sport I took up less than a year ago and I love the challenge, the skill required and the unpredictability (no one likes monotony in exercise.)

I'm not doing it to lose weight. I'm doing it because I can. I'm doing it to make up for all the things I chose not to do in my life. I'm doing it because I'm thankful for the body I have, a body that is healthy, strong and perfectly capable of just about anything.

And I'm doing it because I've decided I like to have fun.

The Overweight Person's Mental Battle with What's Possible in Fitness (Updated)

From the web, that's not me!

An interesting idea was proposed to me recently that sort of tore apart my notion of me. It was a proposal that me--a technically-obese middle-aged man--actually compete in a charity race of some sort one day. Athletic people, you see, use races as a grand way to set goals for themselves. Goals are good. Dieters have goals, why shouldn't people improving their fitness/health also have goals?

Of course, the idea of me competing in an organized race of ANY sort has NEVER, EVER been imagined by me. Not as a middle-aged man who lost much of his health to obesity, not as a younger man who once temporarily lost all his excess weight and got fit, and not as the active child who was slowed by his excess pounds. To accept this idea of competing is to challenge fundamentally the way I think of myself and what is possible.

Fitness is one part of my battle with obesity. It's also the easiest. Changing dozens of complex eating behaviours that have been ingrained in me is much, much harder and success will happen over a much longer period of time. Being successful at fitness and seeing the results quickly such as the vast improvements in my health is what encourages me to work on the much harder problem of eating behaviour.

I don't think I could successfully work on eating behaviour without being boosted by the success of fitness improvements. Now, more than ever, I'm determined to do all that I can with my body. I lost so much physical ability this time that I am hell-bent on doing everything I can to be the absolute most I can be.

Less than two years ago climbing on a bike was an incredibly daunting task for me. I was shaky, weak, and completely filled with doubt. I'll never forget that feeling because I had loved cycling so much in the past. But it was that love that got me to dreaming about getting back on once again. And now, in my mid-forties, I'm dreaming about competing in a mountain bike race one day, perhaps next year.

My weight, unfortunately, holds me back. My lack of progress on the eating front causes me to be held back on the fitness front. My cardiovascular system has improved remarkably, more than I ever imagined it could. Now I know it can improve even further. But biking up a big hill with upwards of a hundred pounds of extra fat on your body is no easy task. I have to get rid of some of that if I'm to compete in a race and not finish after everyone else has packed up their bikes and driven home.

The prospect is intimidating. I attend mountain biking classes that my son is taking and the people running it all look like Lance Armstrong. They're no couch-potato athletes. They are very fit people. Not all young, but very fit. Thin, lean, and strong.

Plus I'm new to mountain biking and it's more than fitness, there's a lot of skills to acquire. But I'm finding that I love the sport that I once poo-pooed. It's so much more unpredictable and fun that road biking.

The most fun I've had? It's going down the big hill at the local mountain biking course. Each day I try it I let myself go faster than the last. I get more nerve based on the trust I build up in myself and my bike. When I'm at the bottom, it's an incredible feeling of adrenaline and accomplishment. The first time I screamed out loud like I had just ridden the world's meanest bull for ten seconds and gracefully hopped off to the accolades of the crowd. (This is my first and last rodeo metaphor of my lifetime.)

For the diehards who mountain bike that sort of thing is not even something that would give them a thrill, I'm sure. But for me, breaking out of the confines of my own view of what's possible, it's exhilarating. That exhilaration is driving me to further reclaim James and everything that James can and should be.

Update

I completed the course with my son last night in approximately 28 minutes. I'll need to do it about 7 minutes faster to compete competently in a local race, but that's not bad. I could get there by the end of the summer if I work on it. My heart maxed out at 99% of the average maximum heart rate for my age. The problem with novice mountain biking is, with your heart pounding so fast at the top of the hill, you then have to go down the hill and have your wits about you as you go fast over rough and loose terrain. It was a tremendous feeling of accomplishment to complete the course given two years ago getting on a bicycle was as daunting as climbing Mount Everest naked. I'm going to work on getting some pounds off my body and increasing my fitness even further by doing the 4 km course a couple times per week. Each week it should be a little easier.

Love of Cycling During Childhood Never Leaves

As I rode past an elementary school and saw all the bikes parked there, a flood of childhood memories came flowing back to me. I realized more reasons why cycling is ingrained in me.

I lived quite a distance away from my elementary school, just ten feet from the line where they let kids stay for lunch over noon hour. The winter walks were sometimes brutal. When spring came and the day that I realized, "Hey, I can be taking my bike now," I was ecstatic. My little kid world changed on a dime on that annual day.

Suddenly I gained a whole bunch of power and freedom. No more was I panicked to get to school on time. I even had an extra twenty minutes to lounge around at lunch time. It was a terrific feeling of kid independence.

My nine-year-old son returned home from one of his first solo bike rides of the spring and he was filled with joy and wonder. "That was the most beautiful bike ride I've ever had," he exclaimed. He really took in the world, all the sights and smells when he was alone and free on his bike. The world was his to consume. Everything was beautiful to him on that ride, even water that was flooding a field on the edge of town.

He made me realize that I felt those same emotions when I was his age. It's the first real way a kid can be independent from their parents and observe the world on their terms.

Cycling is more than fitness. More than transportation.

James's Bicycle Buying Guide and Why You Shouldn't Buy a Department Store Bicycle!

I've learned a lot in the last year when helping friends buy used bikes on online classified ads. I've also done some buying for my family that way and from garage sales. All bikes are not made the same.

Bike enthusiasts always scoff at department store bicycles purchased from such stores as Walmart, Canadian Tire and Costco. Here's the thing: They're not being snooty, they have a very valid point. Department store bikes are crap. They're not even a get-what-you-pay-for value.

Even the expensive ones are crap. I'd say the more expensive the department store bike, the less value you're getting. Don't be fooled by features such as front and rear suspension or number of speeds (gears.) All these features are poorly made and added just to appeal to consumers. The features are valid, if they are a quality component put on quality bike.

Your local bike shop will only sell quality bikes. Although I am concerned with the quality of components they put on childrens' bikes that cost almost as much as adult bikes these days. (Tip: Upgrade the rear derailleur to something better before you walk out the door.)

The problem with department store bikes

There are two problems. The first is that the people assembling them may not know or care about what they are doing.

A friend bought a fairly expensive comfort bike at Canadian Tire last year that had bent wheels rims, a front wheel that wasn't attached securely, a chain that was several inches too long (and kept falling off, which is dangerous in traffic if you're putting your weight on the pedals expecting there to be resistances), and brake pads that were so poorly aligned, they were certain to fail in an emergency. Most of these problems were a result of poor assembly by their bike person. It may be possible that you could luck out and get someone at one of these stores who knows and cares about what they are doing, but I wouldn't take my chances.

When we returned the bike to complain, the sporting goods manager was rude and completely unapologetic. A bike store--ANY bike store--would have been appalled if a bike left the store in that condition. Even more speciality chain stores like Sport Chek (owned by Canadian Tire) does a thorough check of their bikes before they leave the store and they have to sign off on them. They have bike mechanics that are more capable there and the bikes are a bit better than big box store bikes. If you have a problem, it's easier to get it addressed in a store like that.

Walmart bikes supposedly arrive at the store pre-assembled but the assembly of those bikes is poor, too, from what I've seen.

The second problem with department store bikes is the bikes themselves, even the ones that supposedly retail for hundreds of dollars. I saw one at Canadian Tire on sale for $450 from $700. The bikes there are priced to be on sale for hundreds off or half price. If you do go there, never pay a non-sale price.

Department store bikes are poorly made, with poor materials and components. They won't last long before needing attention. Local bike shops make their living off of repairing and tuning department store bikes.

Even department store bikes that advertise aluminium frames are made with worse (less rigid and more heavy) aluminium than bike shop bikes. A lighter bike is easier to store and less effort to ride.

Components such as wheels are REALLY cheaply made and they will go out of true (bend) quite easily. Maybe even before you get home. They're single-walled, not double-walled so they're weaker, plus, they're just cheaply made all around. A wobbly wheel will mean your brakes won't work well and you'll lose a lot of energy because of the warbling. 

Shifters and dérailleurs are the cheapest possible on department store bikes. You will have problems shifting gears in no time.

What should you do if you can't afford a new bike at a bike shop?

Check your local online classifieds for used bike shop bikes. You can usually find a good deal if you're patient. Find out the brands the bike shops sell in your area and look for those brands. It may require a tune up at your local bike shop, but you'll be far better off in the long run than by buying a department store bike.

If you buy a department store bike, you're better off buying the cheapest ones available with the least features (avoid ones with suspension because they'll be too poorly made for the price.) Then when it breaks, get your bike shop to replace some parts with real parts that will last. The name Shimano on your bike means nothing. They make components that cost five dollars and some that cost five hundred. Shimano makes quality products but they do now make absolute crap for department store bikes that is completely worthless. 

Bicycle recommendation for very overweight people (over 300 pounds)

A "29er" on the left with a regular mountain bike on the right w/ 26" wheels

Winter is lingering badly where I live. It might be the worst spring ever! Naturally, with skiing done for the year, I'm tending to my unhealthy obsession with bikes by upgrading and maintaining my two bicycles.

Two years ago, I started bicycling at about 350 pounds. I spent a few months walking for about 20-30 minutes first. I lost thirty or forty pounds, gained some muscle and was ready to try my long-loved activity of cycling.

Most obese people who take up cycling to improve their health have little interest of going off-road (like dirt trails with lots of hills and sharp turns.) However, it only took me one year of fitness to get interested in that particular kind of bicycling as an addition to my repertoire of fitness activities, so never say never!

I've always found cycling to be great for weight-loss and health improvement. It's easy on your joints and it's fun, so you keep going back for more. But what if you weigh so much you're afraid a bike won't hold you?

I think most mountain bikes--which are designed to take a beating bouncing off tree limbs, rocks and dips in trails with a normal-weighted rider--will hold someone well over 300 pounds (if not 400 pounds or more) if you're riding on a smooth, flat paved road or bike path (get a cushy seat too!)

There are heavy duty bikes for people as heavy as five hundred pounds but they're very expensive, about $2000.00. When I started out, I thought I needed one of these. I was wrong.

But I didn't like mountain bikes much. Their wheels have a smaller diameter than bikes made for the road and as such, they're not very efficient. You have to put more work into them to ride on pavement than you should. Road bikes typically have wheels that are 700 mm, or around 29 inches, but the rims are thin, often very thin, the higher the level you go.

My solution, if you have lots of money, say $5-600.00, is to buy a relatively new style of bike called a "29er." The name comes from the size of wheel. It's 3 inches larger in diameter than a regular 26 inch mountain bike but still has wide rims that can take a beating. I think I even saw a 29er at Wal-Mart but I'm not sure a Wal-Mart bike would hold up to someone weighing over 350 pounds. The wheels are more flimsy.

Local bike shops always have much better quality bikes. You get what you pay for. Anyone of any weight should consider wheels that have "double-wall" rims. They're sturdier, and any decent bike has them. But you won't find them at your local big box store.

Mountain bike tire for riding on pavement

Secondly, you need to put "slick" or "pavement" tires on your 29er. These hold more pressure (they're harder and therefore more efficient) and they don't have unnecessary knobbies on them that are used for traction in dirt. They roll smoother, more easily and they make less noise. The end result is a faster, more enjoyable ride that will keep you coming back for more. And that's really important for obese people.

If you can't find a 29er, or already have a mountain bike lined up, put slick road tires on it. It'll cost you $40 to do that, but it'll be worth it for your health. If you can't afford a bike-shop quality bike, you can buy used or buy a cheap bike and have your local bike shop put on decent quality (sturdy) wheels for about $100.

My Story of Cross-Country Skiing

I write this because I am extremely thankful.

My daily winter exercise of taking a walk didn't happen this year. I only did it once and here's why.

It started with a suggestion at a meeting with my nutritionist eighteen months ago. I was pondering the first winter of the new me and the anxiety I felt about how I would stay active during the cold months. I was confounded by the suggestion that I take up cross country skiing. I thought, "Me? Wasn't skiing for the very fit and very dedicated?"

I thought back to grade five when our class took cross country skiing lessons. At first it was tedious, but after a few sessions and some downhill thrills, I loved it and vowed very sincerely that I would do it again one day, even if I had to wait until I was an adult.

I always intended to, I didn't forget. However, the years of descending deeper and deeper into obesity eroded any ambitions I had to keep past promises.

I still remembered the promise to myself 35 years ago and the fond memory when the idea of cross country skiing was suggested to me as a middle-aged adult. I tried to picture how it would work, where I would do it, and what it would look and feel like. I was told there is an annual ski swap where used equipment could be purchased and that there were groomed ski trails in some central city parks.

I still couldn't imagine it. It wouldn't come together in my mind.

Skiing couldn't be for me. Not for now, anyway. It was a misguided idea, I concluded.

One Year Later

Winter was approaching once again and my last gasps of cycling season were taking place on cold, barren trails alone, without my son or my wife. During my previous fitness quests/weight loss periods, winter was always the time when I failed. I couldn't stay active and I struggled to maintain my summer weight while my physical conditioning reversed. Winter was a period of remorse. I impatiently waited for another summer to restart my physical activity and, thereby, my success and well-being.

Cycling was big for me last summer and I wanted something fun more than ever to replace it for winter. I saw a poster for the ski swap and took the family to check it out. We realized that we actually had ski equipment in the shed and remembered the many times we almost threw it out. The staff was helpful and I left with skis for my son and a determination that I was going to try skiing this year, one way or another.

The snow came early and heavy. I decided to test out my equipment by the light of the moon so I wouldn't be seen. I can barely remember what that was like. I took one timid, wobbly step at a time and formed a straight line between my back gate and a group of trees off in the distance. I'd turn around and return, slowly. I wasn't skiing as much as snowshoeing with skis and trying desperately just not to fall over.

It wasn't coming to me after several days of attempts and I couldn't shake my tentativeness. I was determined to keep trying and trying until I got it. Night after night I'd go out and make tracks. After a week or so my son came out with me and we made a triangle track that was longer. And then, like so many other pivotal points in my fitness quest, my nine year-old son showed me the way.

We went to a quiet novice ski trail at a small city park. His first times skiing were nothing to him. My top-heavy body struggled. My knees buckled slightly under my weight when flexing my knees. But I had to keep up with the boy so I endured until, after a couple outings at the public trail, something clicked and I found myself more or less...skiing. I knew that day that I could do it, that I was capable of it, if not now than soon. That realization changed everything.

My boy and I started making 1/3 KM trails on the pipeline easement behind our home. After a few passes we realized that we had made a pretty usable cross country ski trail. It wasn't as perfect as a groomed trail in the city parks but it was good enough, especially because it was just out our back gate. No fifteen minute drives and stuffing skis into the car to get there. In fact, it was incredible.

We built something that we enjoyed and had all to ourselves. It was there to use anytime we wanted. That was a tremendous feeling for our whole family. It was like our very own winter amusement park. The kids were happy, my wife was giddy, and I had figured out a way to stay active and have fun all winter.

We've often lamented how our home is many busy city streets away from bike trails but it makes up for it by having this winter wonderland right at our doorstep.

Letting Go

So I began skiing by loading up the car and taking a fifteen minute drive to an unfamiliar park. Then, suddenly, I was doing it out my back gate. No drives, no loading and we were never far from the water tap or the bathroom. We even started leaving our young kids at home alone on days they didn't want to come. We were always within earshot if they had a problem.

But sometimes they'd join us and we spend a weekend afternoon gliding down hills and making new trails. My son would produce maps of our current trails and copy them for the family. More often than not we'd spend an hour and a half or two hours at play. Other than cycling, there's no activity where I can let go and have fun like that--not realizing that I'm exercising. You wouldn't find me on a treadmill for two hours, or even going for a walk in the city for that long.

• Watch a video of my family skiing

A book on skiing that my wife brought home from the library advises you to let go and just play, the same approach a child would have. Children don't worry about technique they just have fun.

Letting go started to happen with me when I was out enjoying the fresh crystalline air with my family. (SO much better than a stuffy gym.) I'd just let go and play. I'd worry about what my next objective of fun was instead of thinking about how I was doing. Without realizing it, skiing got easier for me.

My Long Torso

But it's still a challenge. I'm still very overweight and I'm top-heavy because of that and because of the proportions of my legs and torso. Either I have short legs or a long torso. I like to think I have a long torso (I have to buy tall-sized shirts even though I'm barely 6'0".)

I was finding that when I bent my knees, as you do when you ski, my left knee was a bit wobbly. My legs were strong but just not in a specific skiing way. I approached my exercise counselor to help me address that shortcoming at the gym (two days a week at my clinic still.) I started using the vibration trainer. I basically maintained the ski stance on it and then I also incorporated balancing on one leg at a time. This quickly got me into the condition necessary to ski. This problem may be unique to me. Nevertheless, spending time skiing would have also strengthened my knees as well.

Fat People Don't Ski

I had a hard time finding out online if an overweight person can ski. There's hardly any mention of it on the internet. I certainly didn't see any overweight people skiing on the public trails. Everyone is tall and lanky, like competitive cyclists, it seems.

Ski shop staff didn't have answers on the weight issue. There's a scale you step on at the ski shops that resembles the Threat Alert system in the United States. It's basically got three colours that the needle goes to to tell you which skis to buy. Naturally, the needle went of the charts for me, implying that I was too fat to ski.

From what I gathered, they make skis for different weights (this is important to support you on the surface of the snow and to allow you to glide easily across it). The heaviest weights are up to around 200 pounds. Apparently, no one could possibly ski who's over 200 pounds. When I started, I was closer to 300 so don't let your weight stop you but I wouldn't use skiing as your first exercise because you'd risk not enjoying it. Most professionals advise to start with walking and move on to other activities you enjoy. For me, in the wintertime, it's definitely skiing.

Of course most people know skiing is a good exercise because it's gentle on your joints and it uses your upper body as well. I've actually had people gasp when I tell them I ski. "Why would you want to do all that work?" one person asked. Don't believe it. It's a myth. It's fun, not work. No one would do it if it were work. Runners don't run because it's work. They run because it feels really good to them. The sedentary often think of everything as work but it's not. The only work involved is in changing your attitude.

When I went to the ski swap in November, four months ago, I knew nothing about skiing other than what I could recall from grade five (basically how to turn was about it!) Now I'm familiar with the different kinds of bindings, wax and waxless skis and I'm a connoisseur of all the different kinds of snows that nature produces and how to wax my skis in different temperatures. It all just came to me because I enjoyed the activity so much.

Winter is Your Friend

Winter is four or five months long where I live. It's often more cold than snowy. People complain about winter endlessly here. Even many active people restrict themselves to indoor exercise. I've written extensively on how my attitude toward winter has changed. This affects more than the amount of fitness I can achieve in the winter, it affects my whole approach to life.

I'm no longer caged indoors. I've been out there on the coldest of days enjoying the fresh air without pain or suffering (other than that skiing in cold weather is more tedious because your skis don't slide easily.) People don't even want to drive to the gym on cold days but I've been able to enjoy all variations of winter weather and I've made many discoveries.

I'm more in tune with nature now. The vast, barren area behind my house is alive in winter. There's dozens of rabbits (who like to poop on my ski tracks and only on my ski tracks) as well as packs of coyotes who go shopping for the rabbits, I presume, and a crow who knows me by name. There's also snowmobilers who wreck my trails, but we've learned to live with each other. I've discovered that frigid cold howling winds will create snow drifts that are so hard I can walk on them even at my weight. I've learned that the natural world is still natural and inviting even on the most uninviting of cold winter days.

This year my family cheered when there was snow in the forecast. To the chagrin of my friends, for the first time in my life, I don't want winter to end.

Imagine that.

Now I have the unexpected challenge of trying to find a way to stay as active in the summer as I do in the winter!

Didn't see that coming.

Information

"Cross-country Skiing: Building Skills for Fun and Fitness"
by Steve Hindman  (2005)

The Regina Ski Club (Ski Swap is every November)

"The Jaw-Dropping Benefits of Cross-Country Skiing"
The Globe and Mail (News Article)

Two Years Ago I Was a Junkie Waiting for the End

Lest I forget.

I'm so immersed in what I'm doing and feeling good about it that I can seldom remember what things were like two years ago. But it's important that I do remember. It's one of the purposes of this blog.

It's been two years since I met with a nutritionist and agreed to start taking small steps to right the sinking ship that was me.

Today I cross-country skied with my wife for 90 minutes. It was fun and we didn't want to come in even though our bodies were spent. Two years ago I was just beginning to walk my daughter to the preschool around the corner. It took ten minutes each way and I was sweaty and exhausted when I got home. I spent the two and half hours that she was in school resting for the trip back. I hated winter. I hated having to walk her there. I hated that my body was so useless.

I was my body's bitch. It had total control over me. I had none over it.

Two years ago I was eating until my stomach hurt from being full. I was eating high calorie, high fat food that made me feel tired, irritable and unfulfilled.

Today I ate some of the foods that caused me so much trouble back then. I had nachos for supper and chocolate for dessert. But I did it in moderation.

I had mostly salsa instead of sour cream and I sprinkled the cheese sparsely on a plate of chips half the size of what I might have had in my previous life. I stopped eating when I was full, not when my stomach became uncomfortably stretched. When I encountered chocolate, I just had a small sample and enjoyed it instead of wondering how much of it I might have, how I could get the most possible, or if anyone was watching.

I haven't cured my eating problems, I've only begun the work, but I'm under control. Each day I gain more control and knowledge of what's going on with my eating. I'm practicing better eating habits until my mind and body finally accept the more appropriate ways of behaving.

Two years ago I was ashamed to be in public. Two years ago I had no inclination that I would ever be doing the things I now enjoy and thrive on: Cycling, jogging and cross-country skiing. Two years ago my kids barely had a father. Now they have a playmate and a dad.

Every once in a while I have a flashback. I remember not being able to climb the stairs in my house, how I used to use a shopping cart to hold myself up at the grocery store, or how I felt after using junk food as a meal.

I was a junky, eating things that made me sick and not being able to stop harming myself.

Exercise quickly helped me gain the strength to take control. It empowered me to take the reins of my disease. Far faster than the speed at which my waistline shrunk, I became more and more able-bodied.

I have years of hard work and learning ahead of me before I can claim any sort of long-term success but I'm enjoying the journey. And the way I now think about myself and my future couldn't be more different than it was two years ago.

Two years ago, I was disabled from a disease that isn't very well understood. It's complex and difficult to manage. What I do know absolutely and one hundred percent is that exercise is the fool-proof way to pin my menacing disease to the ground. Waiting for the count to ten to declare victory will take a very long time and it will present challenges that I have yet to imagine.

But I'm stronger than I've ever been in my life and I'm ready for whatever lies ahead.

To Weigh or Not to Weigh?

I don't weigh myself. I didn't when I gained all my weight over the last decade and I haven't on the way down, either. I get weighed when I get my body composition measured at the clinic several times a year but it's not something I'm concerned with at home.

I have read mention of several recent studies that say weighing yourself at least once a week is good for helping you lose weight or maintain weight loss. So why do I not weigh myself and what benefits might not weighing myself have?

For me, it's about learning a new lifestyle and retraining myelf. When I weigh myself and see poor results, I try harder to lose weight. But those efforts aren't lifestyle-changing because they're always temporary. I'm trying to learn what my body needs and what it doesn't. I'm gauging my unhelpful emotional responses to eating and episodes of over-eating as well.

Weighing in is distracting to the learning I'm trying to do about my physical self. Whatever I do to improve my health, I have to keep it up for the rest of my life. They say you have to do what you do to lose weight to maintain your weight loss because of the physiological differences a formerly-obese body has. The body will work against itself to try to revert to its highest weight.

Yet I know that if I did weigh myself, I wouldn't get off-track as much and I would have better, faster results. I'm getting impatient, trying to reach certain goals of having a smaller, more mobile body and I'm seriously considering ending my embargo of standing on a scale.

The last time I lost weight I was using the scale every day. A day that I didn't go down a half pound (or went up) was a bad day. Positive results equaled a positive day. Bad results made me eat even less that day and exercise a little more, when it was possible. I'm not sure I want that sort of life again, especially since my previous efforts were a colossal failure after I yo-yoed back up into an even bigger obese person than I was before.

Anything I did in the past with temporary success, I'm skeptical of now.

I'm overwhelmed by the number and complexity of things that cause me to eat poorly. Many of these habits are hard to change. They're ingrained in me from decades of practice. It'll take many years with lots of failures along the way to change them and relearn new behaviors.

I truly do have eating problems. They're part of my psyche and physiology. Fad diets and gimmicks won't change them. If anything will it will be years of sheer determination that alter my ingrained behaviors. That and the choice to be a lifelong athlete to make up for the way a formerly-obese body works against itself.

It's bloody hard but it may be the only choice I have. Failure would result in a poor quality of life, many health issues and a premature death.

The "Sedentary James" Solution to Winter: Buy a Hot Tub

I had the pleasure of visiting the mineral spa pool in Moose Jaw (a city nearby) the other night and had a realization when I was outside in the very cold air, bathing in the very hot water. I remembered that up until a year or two ago I wanted to buy a hot tub so that I could get outside in winter and not be couped up for five months a year. The idea seems patently absurd to me now.

My former plan illustrates the frame of mind an obese person is in. Granted, many healthy people fear winter too and stay indoors. But I'm here to tell you how my attitude has fundamentally changed. Thin or fat, we should all be active, and if we live in cold climates like I do, the weather shouldn't be an excuse to be confined indoors like a caged animal all winter.

The turning point for me was on my wife's birthday, nearly one year ago. It was the coldest night of the year but I ventured into it and managed to stay warm. I've gone on about that night a lot, but it actually did change my life.

Today, I'm outside being active every day no matter what the weather. And I'm not in any discomfort when I'm doing it. It's making me want more winter, not less. I'm having fun while I'm experiencing the most active winter of my life since, maybe forever. Even as a kid in the 1970s I had my limits on going outside in cold weather. But I don't now, thanks to the knowledge of how to dress.

I dress in layers, but the items I can't live without are a balaclava that covers my whole mouth and nose (with a breathing screen), good gloves and good socks. Everything else is just layering whatever you have with a wind-stopping outer layer.