The Overweight Person's Mental Battle with What's Possible in Fitness (Updated)

From the web, that's not me!

An interesting idea was proposed to me recently that sort of tore apart my notion of me. It was a proposal that me--a technically-obese middle-aged man--actually compete in a charity race of some sort one day. Athletic people, you see, use races as a grand way to set goals for themselves. Goals are good. Dieters have goals, why shouldn't people improving their fitness/health also have goals?

Of course, the idea of me competing in an organized race of ANY sort has NEVER, EVER been imagined by me. Not as a middle-aged man who lost much of his health to obesity, not as a younger man who once temporarily lost all his excess weight and got fit, and not as the active child who was slowed by his excess pounds. To accept this idea of competing is to challenge fundamentally the way I think of myself and what is possible.

Fitness is one part of my battle with obesity. It's also the easiest. Changing dozens of complex eating behaviours that have been ingrained in me is much, much harder and success will happen over a much longer period of time. Being successful at fitness and seeing the results quickly such as the vast improvements in my health is what encourages me to work on the much harder problem of eating behaviour.

I don't think I could successfully work on eating behaviour without being boosted by the success of fitness improvements. Now, more than ever, I'm determined to do all that I can with my body. I lost so much physical ability this time that I am hell-bent on doing everything I can to be the absolute most I can be.

Less than two years ago climbing on a bike was an incredibly daunting task for me. I was shaky, weak, and completely filled with doubt. I'll never forget that feeling because I had loved cycling so much in the past. But it was that love that got me to dreaming about getting back on once again. And now, in my mid-forties, I'm dreaming about competing in a mountain bike race one day, perhaps next year.

My weight, unfortunately, holds me back. My lack of progress on the eating front causes me to be held back on the fitness front. My cardiovascular system has improved remarkably, more than I ever imagined it could. Now I know it can improve even further. But biking up a big hill with upwards of a hundred pounds of extra fat on your body is no easy task. I have to get rid of some of that if I'm to compete in a race and not finish after everyone else has packed up their bikes and driven home.

The prospect is intimidating. I attend mountain biking classes that my son is taking and the people running it all look like Lance Armstrong. They're no couch-potato athletes. They are very fit people. Not all young, but very fit. Thin, lean, and strong.

Plus I'm new to mountain biking and it's more than fitness, there's a lot of skills to acquire. But I'm finding that I love the sport that I once poo-pooed. It's so much more unpredictable and fun that road biking.

The most fun I've had? It's going down the big hill at the local mountain biking course. Each day I try it I let myself go faster than the last. I get more nerve based on the trust I build up in myself and my bike. When I'm at the bottom, it's an incredible feeling of adrenaline and accomplishment. The first time I screamed out loud like I had just ridden the world's meanest bull for ten seconds and gracefully hopped off to the accolades of the crowd. (This is my first and last rodeo metaphor of my lifetime.)

For the diehards who mountain bike that sort of thing is not even something that would give them a thrill, I'm sure. But for me, breaking out of the confines of my own view of what's possible, it's exhilarating. That exhilaration is driving me to further reclaim James and everything that James can and should be.

Update

I completed the course with my son last night in approximately 28 minutes. I'll need to do it about 7 minutes faster to compete competently in a local race, but that's not bad. I could get there by the end of the summer if I work on it. My heart maxed out at 99% of the average maximum heart rate for my age. The problem with novice mountain biking is, with your heart pounding so fast at the top of the hill, you then have to go down the hill and have your wits about you as you go fast over rough and loose terrain. It was a tremendous feeling of accomplishment to complete the course given two years ago getting on a bicycle was as daunting as climbing Mount Everest naked. I'm going to work on getting some pounds off my body and increasing my fitness even further by doing the 4 km course a couple times per week. Each week it should be a little easier.